Michelle Fegatofi

This past year of blogging has brought many changes to not only my own self, but to our online community as well.

Through contact with literally thousands of people, I have guided, counseled, laughed, cried and helped in many different situations. I have seen some good changes, some bad changes, and a huge movement around the world by moralistic people to get our community confined to sites that either specialize in BDSM or porn.

The Readers

I think I have some of the most supportive readers out there. I have had many chats, discussions, and even debates about different views and ways to practice the Lifestyle. I have learned new techniques, new buzz words in the community, broadened my own view on some of the harsher sides of BDSM that I rarely talk about or practice, and many other things too numerous to get into further.

My fan base has become a mixture of men and women from all walks of life that have many different levels of experience. I love the new people that trust in my writings enough to email me a private question they are to scared to ask out in the open.

Some of the best feelings that I have gotten are from the wonderful feedback and updates from you guys after I have helped or advised you on a problem. I have had some that are so touching and grateful for my help that I literally could not hold back the tears of happiness.

The Separatists

This past year, I have seen some really bad changes within our online communities. It seems that there are groups of people that think it's better to divide the community into what they think of as the "true pages" and the "fakes". I have seen this on many different social sites, but FB is the worst. These types of groups are hunting down pages that either refuse to join in their separatist philosophy or that they just do not like.

I myself have been a victim of these groups and have refused to get involved and even acknowledge their existence for the most part as it just adds fuel to their fire, so to speak. They have tried many different attack approaches such as spreading rumors about me that are untrue and telling all of their new readers that I am a fake. If being in and around the lifestyle for over 21 years, being trained as a Gorean kajira for two years, and living in a 24/7 M/s relationship since August of 2011 makes me a fake, well I guess I need to revamp my kinkionary.

I have always said and will continue to say that we are better off together than separate, especially now that the moralists are after the large online companies to extremely restrict our activities and presence on the internet.

I hope that one day these separatist cliques will decide to rejoin the mainstream BDSM community so that we can show the world that we are united.

The Moralistic Movement

In May of this year, an online Twitter movement was started by right wing activists to get adult content removed from most social media sites like Facebook and Google. They first only said they wanted derogatory and rape images removed and banned from being posted on the sites. But soon, they moved into pictures that are a normal site to those of us that practice a BDSM lifestyle such as a woman getting spanked or in bondage.

In late May, the first wave of page removals started hitting FB. Along with many that were hit in that first round, one of my original pages was taken down. Since then, FB, Yahoo, Google, Twitter, Pinterest and many others have bowed to the pressure these moralistic people have put on them and changed their policies. They are getting so ridiculous in their pursuit that people's accounts are being shut down because someone reported them and stated that they were offended or didn't like something that the person said or posted.

While I agree that images portraying abused women and children should be very much policed and not allowed to be shown, I think there needs to be exceptions for women portrayed in bondage and other BDSM settings since these activities are consensual within our community.

In the Future

I have hope that we will unite together as a community and try to make our presence in the online communities more concrete. There will always be those that condemn us for our beliefs and practice, but at least we can try to present the real and beautiful picture that makes up our lifestyle.

I also hope that those groups that are dividing the online community will stop attacking others that do not subscribe to their way of thinking, being, or doing and try to either mend fences or just let everything coexist in harmony. It's sad when someone that supposedly practices an alternative lifestyle that teaches tolerance can be so intolerant.

Lastly, I hope to continue to bring all of you great info, a different perspective, and hopefully more knowledge about various subjects that is BDSM.

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Michelle Fegatofi

I tried logging into my tumblr account michellefegatofi.tumblr.com today and it was gone.

I sent an email to their help desk and they said it was deleted because I used an affiliate's tag and was now considered a spammer. So, apparently, using the same hashtag is a no no. Lesson learned.

I decided to open a new account and rebuild my followers. When I was adjusting the settings, I got a big surprise! The now-Yahoo-owned blogging network made a significant change to the way adult-themed blogs could be discovered on the site, which even further hid their content from public consumption. 

One of the best things about Tumblr was that if you knew how to utilize hashtags properly, you could get your name, business, or internet site indexed on the web much faster and acquire many more followers faster. Now with their new settings, only followers can search your content. Adult themed blogs will not be searchable within Tumblr or on the net. So, now I am on the fence if I even want to bother with populating the new account. 

Despite promising users that it "wouldn't police porn," Tumblr has already made changes to the way adult or NSFW content shows up within its network. Although Tumblr won't actively police content and ban users from uploading nude or NSFW photos, the company has made some significant adjustments to how users can discover and view that content.

It makes sense that Tumblr may not want to index NSFW content — especially if the company wants to sell ads on more content — but rather than putting up faux walls for discovery or denying access to certain terms in mobile apps, the company should create an explicit opt-in setting that allows users to decide if they want to see potentially adult or NSFW content in search. Turn it off by default if you want. This wouldn't be unlike how Google allows users to omit NSFW or adult content from their settings.

If Tumblr isn't careful about how it handles the community response to its new policies, it could backfire.

What do you think of Tumblr's new policies? Are you outraged or is this much ado about nothing? Let us know in the comments.

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Michelle Fegatofi

As you all know, so many pages containing BDSM and Adult content were suspended or deleted by FB this past week. While we are fighting to retain the right to be represented on various social media sites, we should also take the time to rebuild a bigger, stronger, and closer nit community.

There are many petty feuds between people and groups because of differing opinions or just personality clashes. Let's all try to put those aside and come together as a real online community of BDSM practitioners to combat those that are trying to dictate their beliefs on how the world should be run and what morals are right. As intelligent and rational adults, I believe we have the right to make that choice ourselves.

Yes, I realize many of you might think my enthusiasm or passion for trying to combat this censorship of Adult Content on the social media sites is futile, maybe even laughable. You may laugh. You may not agree with me at all. Because of my belief in and love for this Lifestyle and being a 24/7 slave to my Padrone, it has become my mission in life to help guide those new to the scene find their own path and way of practicing a BDSM relationship. I can not begin to tell you what a nightmare my life was and how lost I had become before meeting and submitting to Padrone. I truly believe it saved my sanity and my true personality.

BDSM International's appeal was denied and the original page is set to be deleted. So, I made a new page called BDSM International 2.0. I am looking at this as an opportunity to begin anew. We had over 35,200 when FB shut us down, but many of them were not active at all on the site. I am hoping that the new followers will be comprised of a larger, more interactive group so that we can debate, trade ideas, and learn together in a safe environment.

So, if you are thinking of rebuilding your page, think of it as not only a protest against FB in the fact that we just keep rebuilding and refuse to give up our presence on social media sites, but an opportunity to gain a closer, more interactive audience and the grass roots of rebuilding a stronger community.

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Michelle Fegatofi

There are so many ways to practice the BDSM Lifestyle. There are so many different types of people in the world that they are bound to be clashes at some point. But, we all have to be adult enough to put those clashes aside.

To get anything done and actually make a difference in any of the FB policies, we have to unite together as a united front, beyond our differences, petty arguments, and disagreements. We have to show that we are one community and we are all fighting for the same goal.

If we come at the world like a crazed mob, calling those that disagree with us bad names, sending hate mail, or shouting at the top of our lungs how our way is the right way, we will never get anywhere or be taken seriously.

So, please, if you are doing anything to help us #StopBDSMFBCensorship , then get on board and help us in creative and intelligent ways so we do present a united, intelligent front.

I am part of a group that is growing rapidly and we are working toward the same goal as one unit. If you would like to join, please contact me or comment below.

Thank you and keep up the fight!

Michelle Fegatofi

Below is a list of sites to tweet a message to with the hashtag #StopBDSMFBCensorship . Feel free to send me any suggestions for more people or organizations that will help further our cause. If you know any people in the media or in wide spread organizations, please contact them and let them know of our cause.
Please get out there and spread the word!

Here is an example of some of the tweets that my Padrone has been working on:

@bdsmovementnet Pls help promote the cause against FB shutting down BDSM pages #StopBDSMfbCensorship http://goo.gl/hXlXd

https://twitter.com/FetLife
https://twitter.com/informedconsent
https://twitter.com/AlterNet
https://twitter.com/subguide
https://twitter.com/cnn
https://twitter.com/bbc
https://twitter.com/BBCWorld
https://twitter.com/cbs
https://twitter.com/wikileaks
https://twitter.com/aljazeera
https://twitter.com/abc
https://twitter.com/abcnews
https://twitter.com/Independent_ie
https://twitter.com/time
https://twitter.com/Tweet__News
https://twitter.com/scoopit
https://twitter.com/NCSF

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Michelle Fegatofi

Care about being able to browse what you like on FB and other social media pages? Let people know you will not stand for censorship of our BDSM Lifestyle! Post, share, enlist others help to get the word out!

#stopbdsmfbcensorship

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Michelle Fegatofi

In response to all the groups who feel BDSM and Dominant/submissive relationships in general are demeaning or violence against women, I have to speak my mind, which is my opinion as a respected member of our community, and as a Master.

I would like to explain so others may better understand several things:
(for reference - Dom/mes is the collective term for male and female Dominants within our lifestyle)

First: If in fighting for women's rights, you take away their right to live as they choose to live of their own free will, you may be much more oppressive than you believe us to be. We as Dom/mes look for strong-minded people who can make the informed decision to submit. There is nothing gained by imposing control over people too weak to stand up for themselves; quite often Dom/mes stand up for those too weak or unwilling to do so. We guide those who lack strength away from predators and help them find pride and strength within themselves.

Second: We are not demeaning to women; we work very hard to provide an environment that instills pride, growth and self-confidence. We have great respect for those who choose to live this lifestyle, especially the submissives we love so much. They give us the greatest gift imaginable... themselves, fully and completely, knowing we respect them and honor the gift they choose to give. This gift is something we as Dom/mes know can be taken away if we don't hold it sacred.

Third: These groups that oppose us living the way we choose often claim that Dom/mes are uncaring people. For those people I can only say, you will never know how deeply we are connected to each other. It is because of how much we love that we are able to give so much of ourselves to the care and needs of our submissive. Outsiders have no clue how much time and effort goes into building the trust required for this lifestyle to work, not just in the beginning, but always.

Also: We are not violent. We do not act out of rage or even anger. In order to accept control over another, we must be in control of ourselves. Many of us stand strong opposing domestic violence. Pain does not equal violence. Serious questions here: Who among you has enjoyed a little hair tug or smack on the butt during sex, whether giving or receiving? How about a nibble that gets a little rougher than usual? Nails scratching down your back in ecstasy? Maybe you like hands pinned to the bed while staring deeply into your lover’s eyes; have you ever realized this is a form of dominance, and even bondage? Kinky is quite natural, even normal for people to want to feel this way.

Next: We are not barbarians; the majority of male Dominants are very much gentlemen. We open doors, pull out chairs, bring home flowers, and sweep them off their feet with a kiss when we return home.

After that I need to address another point: Not all Dominants are men. There are many Dommes and Mistresses, many of which have male submissives. They also operate at the highest of respect when it comes to their relationships. How can women's rights groups attack a lifestyle that is so accepting of 'equal opportunity'? We don't discriminate against anyone. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find a group or community more open-minded than within BDSM.

Finally: I'd like to address the thought of people leading the weak like sheep. Sheep are uninformed animals. They follow wherever they are led, blindly, without question or concern for themselves or others. They seek no knowledge, only doing as they have been led to do. I challenge anyone not informed of our lifestyle to become informed, to quit being led like sheep, uninformed yet following a cause when you don't truly understand what it is against. People, who follow causes without knowledge of what they are fighting against, are essentially consensual slaves, though a less informed slave than any within our lifestyle. -- Blac Talon

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