Here is the second half of the questions from my Q&A session with the FB group Mind, Body, Soul BDSM. I hope some of these give you more knowledge or even get you involved in the continuing conversations some of these questions have caused.
Question #6) Do you believe the protocol of D/s speech and being honest with ones words "cures" passive/aggressive behavior?
I am not exactly sure in what context you meant this question. If you mean online slash speak (O/our), I don’t agree with it at all. I don’t think it shows respect, protocol or anything. I think it was just something else made up along the way as the internet BDSM community grew. I show every the same and mutual respect that I would in a vanilla setting. I don’t recommend calling anyone by any kind of title, other than your own Dominant. If a person demands you call them something, they are not a real Dominant. A real dominant doesn’t demand respect, they earn it and their very nature and presence just makes you want to show them certain type of respect.
I think you always have to be honest with your feelings, whether they be good or bad. If you are pretending to feel something that you are not, then it is faking and not tolerated in a BDSM setting or relationship.
Question #7) I'm curious about BDSM practices and beliefs in the 1800's, before old guard and leather... Before it even had "BDSM" as an identifier..
The earliest recordings of a BDSM like activity was back in ancient Sumeria. After that, the ancient Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans, to name a few, had many diverse sadomasochistic games they played, mostly involving flogging and spanking. I recommend an in-depth research if you are truly interested in this subject.
Question #8) Can you tell me about the origins of the practice of collaring?
Depending on who you ask, some think the collar of the sub was modelled after ancient civilizations that used slave collars to show ownership. Collars have always been used as a form of restraint for many diverse S&M scenes. The actual evolution of how the collar came to mean what it does in todays Lifestyle is very murky. I tend to believe that it did somehow evolve from the ancient peoples that used slaves and used special types of collars to mark their property.
I think of subs that wear collars without being owned as wanna be's. They also might be gothic. But those types of subs are not real submissives. It's ok to purchase a necklace or collar if you want to, but never tell anyone it's a bdsm collar unless you had a dominant give it to you. Without that action behind a collar, it is a meaningless piece of jewerely.
Question #9) When I first became involved in the lifestyle I was told that the submissive selects her Dominant and can offer a collar to him that he would place on her neck as a sign of ownership. More commonly I understand that it is the Dominant that purchases the collar and offers it to the submissive. Which is correct?
Only a fake dominant would make the sub purchase her own collar. The dominant should allow the sub a say in the type of collar because all lifestyles outside BDSM are different, but the dominant has final say and should be the one to purchase, offer and place it on her neck.
Question #10) How long does sub frenzy typically last? Can one survive purely in sub frenzy status?
Sub frenzy is a term used to describe new subs that are so excited they rush into a relationship with their eyes wide shut and basically without any knowledge of what BDSM really consists of. I think sub frenzy only lasts as long as it takes a sub to become more knowledgeable about the Lifestyle. I think once the actual newness wears off, the frenzy retreats and the sub becomes more cautious and aware of their decisions and actions.
If you have something to add to any of the topics above, please leave a comment!
Question #6) Do you believe the protocol of D/s speech and being honest with ones words "cures" passive/aggressive behavior?
I am not exactly sure in what context you meant this question. If you mean online slash speak (O/our), I don’t agree with it at all. I don’t think it shows respect, protocol or anything. I think it was just something else made up along the way as the internet BDSM community grew. I show every the same and mutual respect that I would in a vanilla setting. I don’t recommend calling anyone by any kind of title, other than your own Dominant. If a person demands you call them something, they are not a real Dominant. A real dominant doesn’t demand respect, they earn it and their very nature and presence just makes you want to show them certain type of respect.
I think you always have to be honest with your feelings, whether they be good or bad. If you are pretending to feel something that you are not, then it is faking and not tolerated in a BDSM setting or relationship.
The earliest recordings of a BDSM like activity was back in ancient Sumeria. After that, the ancient Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans, to name a few, had many diverse sadomasochistic games they played, mostly involving flogging and spanking. I recommend an in-depth research if you are truly interested in this subject.
Depending on who you ask, some think the collar of the sub was modelled after ancient civilizations that used slave collars to show ownership. Collars have always been used as a form of restraint for many diverse S&M scenes. The actual evolution of how the collar came to mean what it does in todays Lifestyle is very murky. I tend to believe that it did somehow evolve from the ancient peoples that used slaves and used special types of collars to mark their property.
Sub frenzy is a term used to describe new subs that are so excited they rush into a relationship with their eyes wide shut and basically without any knowledge of what BDSM really consists of. I think sub frenzy only lasts as long as it takes a sub to become more knowledgeable about the Lifestyle. I think once the actual newness wears off, the frenzy retreats and the sub becomes more cautious and aware of their decisions and actions.
If you have something to add to any of the topics above, please leave a comment!
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The historical
origins of BDSM are obscure.
During the ninth century BC, ritual flagellations were performed in Artemis Orthia, one of the most important religious areas of ancient Sparta, where the Cult of Orthia, a preolympic religion, was practiced. Here, ritual flagellation called diamastigosis took place on a regular basis.
One of the oldest graphical proofs of
sadomasochistic activities is found in an Etruscan burial site in
Tarquinia (Italy). Inside the Tomba della Fustigazione (Flogging grave or Tomb of the Whipping), in the latter sixth century b.c., two men are portrayed flagellating a
woman with a cane and a hand during an erotic situation. Another
reference related to flagellation is found in the sixth book of
the Satires of the ancient Roman Poet Juvenal (1st–2nd century
A.D.). Anecdotal narratives related to humans who have had themselves voluntary bound,
flagellated or whipped as a substitute for sex or as part of foreplay
reach back to the third and fourth century.
The Kama Sutra describes four different kinds of hitting during lovemaking, the allowed regions of the human body to target and different kinds of 'joyful cries of pain' practiced by bottoms. The collection of historical texts related to sensuous experiences explicitly emphasizes that impact play, biting and pinching during sexual activities should only be performed consensually since only some women consider such behavior to be joyful. From this perspective, the Kama Sutra can be considered as one of the first written resources dealing with sadomasochistic activities and safety rules. Additional texts with sadomasochistic connotation appear worldwide during the following centuries on a regular basis.
There are reports of people willingly being bound or whipped, as a prelude or substitute for sex, during the fourteenth century. Some sources claim that BDSM as a distinct form of sexual behavior originated at the beginning of the eighteenth century when Western civilization began medically and legally categorizing sexual behavior. There are reports of brothels specializing in flagellation as early as 1769. John Cleland's novel Fanny Hill, published in 1749, mentions a flagellation scene. Other sources give a broader definition, citing BDSM-like behavior in earlier times and other cultures, such as the medieval flagellates and the physical ordeal rituals of some Native American societies.
.jpg "Historical Origins of BDSM - flogging")
Although the names of the Marquis de
Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch are attached to the terms sadism
and masochism respectively, Sade's way of life does not meet modern
BDSM standards of informed consent. BDSM ideas and imagery have
existed on the fringes of Western culture throughout the twentieth
century. Robert Bienvenu attributes the origins of modern BDSM to
three sources, which he names as "European Fetish" (from
1928), "American Fetish" (from 1934), and "Gay
Leather" (from 1950).
Another source are the sexual games played
in brothels, which go back into the nineteenth century if not
earlier. Irving Klaw, during the 1950s and 1960s, produced some of
the first commercial film and photography with a BDSM theme (most
notably with Bettie Page) and published comics by the now-iconic
bondage artists John Willie and Eric Stanton.
During the ninth century BC, ritual flagellations were performed in Artemis Orthia, one of the most important religious areas of ancient Sparta, where the Cult of Orthia, a preolympic religion, was practiced. Here, ritual flagellation called diamastigosis took place on a regular basis.
The Kama Sutra describes four different kinds of hitting during lovemaking, the allowed regions of the human body to target and different kinds of 'joyful cries of pain' practiced by bottoms. The collection of historical texts related to sensuous experiences explicitly emphasizes that impact play, biting and pinching during sexual activities should only be performed consensually since only some women consider such behavior to be joyful. From this perspective, the Kama Sutra can be considered as one of the first written resources dealing with sadomasochistic activities and safety rules. Additional texts with sadomasochistic connotation appear worldwide during the following centuries on a regular basis.
There are reports of people willingly being bound or whipped, as a prelude or substitute for sex, during the fourteenth century. Some sources claim that BDSM as a distinct form of sexual behavior originated at the beginning of the eighteenth century when Western civilization began medically and legally categorizing sexual behavior. There are reports of brothels specializing in flagellation as early as 1769. John Cleland's novel Fanny Hill, published in 1749, mentions a flagellation scene. Other sources give a broader definition, citing BDSM-like behavior in earlier times and other cultures, such as the medieval flagellates and the physical ordeal rituals of some Native American societies.
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