Tonight we have another great variety of questions. In this week's post, I cover 'Weight and Health versus Relationship', 'The Basics Every Dominant should Know', and 'Internet Speaking Protocol'.
Question #1) "I need to lose weight because of health reasons. My Dominant doesn't want me to lose weight because he likes his women BBW or SSBBW sized. He said he would leave me if I lose weight even for health reasons. I love him and don't want to lose him, but I also have to think about my health. What do I do?"
The #1 code for all true dominants is to ensure that their sub/slave is healthy, happy, and secure as best as they can. What you just told me goes against the very fabric of being a Dominant. You have to think of yourself first and your health. If you are injured, or something much worse because of your weight, then you can't perform as a sub and you are putting your very life at risk.
Think about your health and safety first and your relationship last. If you have family or close friends, lean on them for support and to help you get to the weight you should be at to be in a healthy category. Don't get caught up on the numbers or size, just focus on the health component of losing weight. Try to build your self-esteem as you go on this journey. If your dominant can't support and help you on this journey, then I really think you should consider getting out of that relationship. I know it's easy for me to say as it isn't me in the situation, but honestly, if he isn't willing to help you get and maintain a healthy lifestyle so you cut down or eliminate health risks you are facing due to the weight, then I'm thinking that the rest of your relationship isn't healthy either.
Question #2) "What are some of the basics to being a Dominant that I should know? I am brand new to the Lifestyle."
I asked my Padrone (Master) to answer this question as he is a true dominant. First, you have to be dominant naturally, if you are not, you can role play and learn to be a dominant, but you will never feel it inside if it isn't your true character. Second, you have to find a submissive that compliments your nature and not force a good match. Third, you should be protective and take care of your submissive in all ways, mental, physically, emotionally, and sexually. You have to be happy in your life and your relationship because if either the dominant or submissive is not happy, neither of you will be happy. You have to be honest and listen, willing to be flexible to a point, never hide or lie anything, show respect, and be trustworthy. The rules you give your submissive have to be reasonable and ones that she can follow without causing her harm in any way. All things must be consensual, because if they are not, it is abuse and not a BDSM relationship. Without all of these things in place, the relationship will most likely fail.
Question #3) "I have seen many discussions on the correct protocol to use when speaking online to other people in the LS. I refuse to capitalize the first letter of he/she/you to differentiate between a Dominant and a sub. I think it's rather useless. What do you think is proper online protocol?"
I personally don't think capitalizing the first letter in a pronoun shows respect. Padrone and I both think what shows respect is the way a person writes. Now, if Padrone made it a rule that I needed to use Y/y or He/he when I addressed people, then I would. So I won't say it is stupid or useless because if a dominant thinks it is respectful and makes it a rule for their sub, then I will not judge them for that. I think you and your dominant have to be the ones to make that call.
I hope today's topics have opened your eyes to new possibilities or have at least given you things to think about. If you have your own question or questions you would like us to answer, please send them to bdsmunveiled@gmail.com.
Question #1) "I need to lose weight because of health reasons. My Dominant doesn't want me to lose weight because he likes his women BBW or SSBBW sized. He said he would leave me if I lose weight even for health reasons. I love him and don't want to lose him, but I also have to think about my health. What do I do?"
The #1 code for all true dominants is to ensure that their sub/slave is healthy, happy, and secure as best as they can. What you just told me goes against the very fabric of being a Dominant. You have to think of yourself first and your health. If you are injured, or something much worse because of your weight, then you can't perform as a sub and you are putting your very life at risk.
Think about your health and safety first and your relationship last. If you have family or close friends, lean on them for support and to help you get to the weight you should be at to be in a healthy category. Don't get caught up on the numbers or size, just focus on the health component of losing weight. Try to build your self-esteem as you go on this journey. If your dominant can't support and help you on this journey, then I really think you should consider getting out of that relationship. I know it's easy for me to say as it isn't me in the situation, but honestly, if he isn't willing to help you get and maintain a healthy lifestyle so you cut down or eliminate health risks you are facing due to the weight, then I'm thinking that the rest of your relationship isn't healthy either.
Question #2) "What are some of the basics to being a Dominant that I should know? I am brand new to the Lifestyle."
I asked my Padrone (Master) to answer this question as he is a true dominant. First, you have to be dominant naturally, if you are not, you can role play and learn to be a dominant, but you will never feel it inside if it isn't your true character. Second, you have to find a submissive that compliments your nature and not force a good match. Third, you should be protective and take care of your submissive in all ways, mental, physically, emotionally, and sexually. You have to be happy in your life and your relationship because if either the dominant or submissive is not happy, neither of you will be happy. You have to be honest and listen, willing to be flexible to a point, never hide or lie anything, show respect, and be trustworthy. The rules you give your submissive have to be reasonable and ones that she can follow without causing her harm in any way. All things must be consensual, because if they are not, it is abuse and not a BDSM relationship. Without all of these things in place, the relationship will most likely fail.
Question #3) "I have seen many discussions on the correct protocol to use when speaking online to other people in the LS. I refuse to capitalize the first letter of he/she/you to differentiate between a Dominant and a sub. I think it's rather useless. What do you think is proper online protocol?"
I personally don't think capitalizing the first letter in a pronoun shows respect. Padrone and I both think what shows respect is the way a person writes. Now, if Padrone made it a rule that I needed to use Y/y or He/he when I addressed people, then I would. So I won't say it is stupid or useless because if a dominant thinks it is respectful and makes it a rule for their sub, then I will not judge them for that. I think you and your dominant have to be the ones to make that call.
I hope today's topics have opened your eyes to new possibilities or have at least given you things to think about. If you have your own question or questions you would like us to answer, please send them to bdsmunveiled@gmail.com.
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