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Below is an excerpt from my new book BDSM Basics for Beginners.


michelle fegatofi - what is BDSM

There are many variations of what the initials BDSM stand for, but the most widely used is Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. Frequently, the different areas of BDSM overlap into one another, as a bondage scene might include humiliation, or a D/s relationship might incorporate fetishism, etc. But just as frequently, there are those who only participate in one aspect of the lifestyle. In general, there is no hard and fast rule for what is right and what is wrong..... it depends on the individuals involved. BDSM is fluid and changes as individuals and relationships change. Having said that, there is one creed we all agree on. All play must be: SAFE, SANE & CONSENSUAL. Mutual consent is what distinguishes BDSM from abuse and assault, just as consent distinguishes sex from rape.

In a broad statement, BDSM is an erotic preference and a form of personal relationship that can involve the consensual use of restraints, intense sensory stimulation, and role play. To those that practice it in situations, other than just sexual scenes, it is also extremely mental. A Dominant has to be very careful and know his submissive extremely well in order not to do any lasting mental damage if the sub is deep into submission.

Because of main stream media and books like 50 Shades of Grey, the S&M portions have been highlighted much more than a rounded, more truthful picture of BDSM. The truth is that this alternate form of sexuality/relationship has nothing to do with destructive behavior. A Dominant person simply wants to dominate in sex while the submissive wants to be stripped of any initiative.

Read. Learn. Practice. Play. Have fun. BDSM is about finding the things that feel good and right to yourself and, most importantly, with your partner. Take the time to study up on the subject. But remember, every book is nothing more than a guide. There are no rule books, no predefined "this-is-the-way-it-is" laws. Take what you read and adapt it to suit your own individual flavor of BDSM, within the vast boundaries of Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Because even the meaning of those three words varies from person to person!

BDSM is NOT abuse. An abuser doesn't take the time to learn safe play and an abuser certainly doesn't respect limits. Not taking NO for an answer, not honoring a safe word or taking advantage of the unequal power relationship that exists between a Dom and sub, are forms of abuse. This is where knowledge comes in handy and trust is essential. Never play or submit to anyone that you do not completely trust with that power. Not everything in BDSM is for everybody. Test the waters, experiment, see what you like or don't like and proceed from there.



Post title: " What is BDSM? "
by: Michelle Fegatofi signature Red line

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