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Michelle Fegatofi 11:21 PM 20 January 2015 Comment here!
Welcome back to BDSM Unveiled's Talk Tuesday! We hope that we bring you many new and insightful things and inspire you to think outside your own box! This week's post touches three very different subjects: Pet play versus Furries, Feminist and Submissive, Slave or submissive - is one better than the other.


Question #1) "I am wondering if pets are the same as furries. I read about the furry convention in which someone set off a smoke bomb in the hotel where the event was taking place. Some were kittens, puppies, etc. In BDSM are the pets that some Dominants have also furries in that they act and dress like the small animal that the Dominant has identified?"


The furry genre (sometimes referred to as a meta-genre) is based on the idea of fantasy animal characters, rather than any one type of fiction. Any title in any form of media can be considered relative to the furry genre simply by having a fantasy animal character in it. Such characters are most often seen in cartoons, comics, science fiction, allegorical novels, Gothic horror movies, commercials and video games. People like to dress up as one of these characters and take on that personality while hiding who they really are.

Horse pet play

Pet Play or Animal roleplay may be either a non-sexual or an erotic sexual role-play (when it may also be called petplay, ponyplay, ponyism or pup-play). In its erotic sexual role-play form, one or more of the participants takes on the role of a real or imaginary animal in character, including appropriate mannerisms and behavior, and sometimes a partner will act as another animal or in a sexual context may take the role of rider, trainer, or caretaker (or even breeding partner).

Pet play vs furries

I have never seen the two subcultures mixed. Those who practice BDSM Pet Play are normally solely in that role while those who are in to the Furry Culture usually participate solely in that role. While there are undoubtedly some people who dabble in both scenes, they do not mix and are completely separate. 

Question #2) "I am a modern woman. I take care of myself just fine. I work, pay my bills, and have always made my own way. But, when I read the erotica BDSM books, I want a relationship like that. Can I have that and still maintain who I am?"

Feminist submissive

The answer lies within yourself. It depends on what type of relationship you are looking for exactly. Do you want the kink that most of the erotic books detail out or are you looking for something deeper that would make you a submissive in other instances of your life, other than just during sex? I encourage you to read blog posts from real life submissives and try to start understanding what their role is exactly and also really ask yourself what you really want from a relationship. That is the only way you will be able to decide if you want to maintain some kind of interdependence or if you want to explore a deeper form of submission.

Question #3) "Are slave submissives better than just plain submissives?"

The first thing I would say is that there is no such thing as a 'plain submissive'. There are so many levels, layers, and forms to submission that you can't begin to say one is better than another. A slave is just a deeper form of submission than a submissive. It is not better or worse in any way, just different. If you want to be a submissive, you should not focus on what category you think you fit into, but focus instead on what you want and expect out of a D/s relationship. 

submissive slave

I hope you have gained some new knowledge or insight in to the above subjects and add to your own wealth of knowledge. If you have anything to add to the above conversation, please leave a comment!

Do you have a question of your own you would like to ask me? If so, send an email to

bdsm unveiled talk tuesday

Post title: "BDSM Unveiled Talk Tuesday for January 20, 2015"

Michelle Fegatofi 10:53 PM 15 January 2015 2 Comments

I'm very proud to announce that BDSM Basics for Submissives - Dealing with the Emotional and Mental Side of Submission has been nominated for the Golden Flogger award!

It is a great honor for me and Padrone Marco and was very unexpected. To see all the list of nominees, click this link

You can get your copy of the book at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Apple iBookstore,, and Google Play.

The winners will be announced at the BDSM Writers Con in NYC in August. Although we are not sure if we will be able to attend this year, I encourage you all to register and go if you can. Some of the events will include Workshops & Live Demos, BDSM Club Night, Award Ceremony, Author–Reader Mix & Mingles, BDSM Book Fair, and Between The Covers Erotic Reading Series.

BDSM Writers Con was founded by Dr. Charley Ferrer, who is a world renowned Clinical Sexologist and Sex Therapist. She is the first Latina Doctor of Human Sexuality in the US. She is the award winning author of over thirteen books on self-empowerment, women’s sexuality, and BDSM.

Post title: "BDSM Basics for Submissives - Golden Flogger Award Nominee"

Michelle Fegatofi 11:14 PM 06 January 2015 1 Comment
Since it's the first Tuesday of the new year, I thought I would answer some of the most asked questions I receive about how I react or deal with certain types of situations or emotions. Next week the regular Talk Tuesday Q&A will be back! So start sending me your questions!

Talk Tuesday BDSM Unveiled

Question #1) Throughout 2014, I dealt with many different types of health problems and side effects from medicines trying to fix the original health problem. I was asked in many different groups how do I stay submissive or perform my submissive duties when I'm not feeling well.

Feeling submissive during an illness

  • The answer to this question is simple, because of Padrone (my Master). I have a very understanding, loving and compassionate Padrone. He never pushed me to do anything, especially when I am sick. He cooks if I can't. He takes care of things around the house until I am able to. As far as staying submissive, for me, it's just who and what I am. It is not a role that I weave in and out of. In all things in life, I always follow my Padrone's lead. Our relationship might be a little different in certain ways because he does trust my judgement and allows me a lot of leeway when it comes to how I handle our internet stuff. He doesn't micromanage me but is always there if I ask him for directions. 
Question #2) How do I deal with depression, anger, jealousy, pouting, disappointment and other negative feelings? Do I ever feel these or am I always happy?

  • No, I am not perpetually happy all the time. I do tend to be a pretty happy person most of the time, but even I have my moments. 2014 was an especially hard year for my moods and emotions. I went full blown menopausal and that just made my moods very erratic at times. I would be perfectly happy then all of a sudden, sometimes for no reason or for something petty, I would get angry. Then I would get sad and pout. During all of these times, Padrone was my rock. He kept his patience with me and would hold me when I needed and give me space when I needed that. He never asked me what I needed, always just knew, just felt it. We do have our disagreements also but they are never huge blowups. Most of the time Padrone will get over being aggravated in like 5 minutes and then make faces at me or mess with me until I feel better too. I tend to pout sometimes after a disagreement. 
Question #3) What kind of protocols and rules do you and your Master-Padrone observe? Do you kneel when serving food or wait for him at the door a certain way? 
Formal BDSM Submissive Protocols

  • We don't observe any strict protocols like you see in many pictures or might read about in books. They are not practical for our lifestyle and we love to cuddle versus me always being apart from him by standing at attention or setting on a tile floor on my knees. I do have many rules that I follow and I do have certain tasks and routines that I do every night, but I would not consider them protocols in the traditional sense of a submissive. For example, I always get up earlier than Padrone on nights he has to work so that I can get myself ready, make food for the night, get the electronics and backpack ready, make his coffee and wake him up at the specified time. I also help him get dressed because we both like this. He can do all of this himself, but we both prefer that I help. This routine is not something that he asked of me, it is just something that evolved out of need and necessity.  
I hope I answered some of your questions about my own life and how we practice BDSM. I have to say that even for us, 3 1/2 years later, it is an ever evolving and learning experience. Our relationship is different now than it was even last year. The dynamic of Master/slave never changes, just routines to fit how our lives are flowing at that time. 

Padrone Marco and Michelle Fegatofi

Don't forget that you can always send me an email to ask questions about your own situations at and I will be answering them every Tuesday starting next week!

Post title: "BDSM Unveiled Talk Tuesday: Questions about Me"

Michelle Fegatofi 11:08 PM 31 December 2014 2 Comments

Every year that I have been writing this blog, I write a year end resolutions post.

Last year, I encouraged you to renew your connections with your partner and yourself. This year, I want you to learn to just be you, the real you!

BDSM Just be you

I have had a year filled with many different health problems, helping others tackle their relationship issues, and dealing with other adverse situations. There are have also been many wonderful high points for me. Beautiful memories and events that have helped me grow as a person in both confidence and knowledge. I can honestly say that my followers and friends have really challenged me this past year by some of the questions they asked me to tackle but in doing so, I have broadened my thinking on many different subjects.

BDSM Unveiled 2014 year in review

My Padrone has had to cope with my health issues this year that affected all aspects of our lives at some point. He has been my rock and shelter from the storms but also was my biggest supporter and fan. I gained a greater confidence in my writing as well as my body image with him just being his wonderful self.

Make No New Year's resolutions

I am not making any resolutions for 2015. I decided that this is the year that I'm just going to be me. Here are some things I know will happen not change. My weight will go up and down. I will have periods of time in which I exercise every day and weeks I won't. I will most likely have to deal with some type of health issue. I will have times in which I do not like my body and ones in which I think I look like a super model. I will have insecurities. I will grow and learn new things. There will be some down times but there will be many more happy ones. Padrone will always be there to support me, guide me, love me and take care of me. I will love, honor, obey and support Padrone. I know there will be rough patches in our relationship, but they will just bring us closer together in the end.

Be the best you can be

I ask you to make the resolution to just be yourself also. Don't try to make yourself lose weight because society says you have too. Do whatever you want to. Become confident in who you are, what you look like and try to love yourself. Don't make resolutions that you honestly know you won't keep. When you do make those and don't succeed, most of the time you feel guilt and that makes your entire outlook of yourself go down.

Be Yourself

I hope that some of you will follow my example. I think it will make for a much better year and a happier one.

2015 New Year

From Padrone Marco and I, we wish you all a safe, healthy, and happy 2015!!!!


Michelle Fegatofi 10:04 PM 16 December 2014 1 Comment
I want to share a very informative video interview with you with a long standing member of the LGBT community. Malika Dandridge is the interviewer and Daddi Cole is the interviewee. 

BDSM Unveiled Talk Tuesday

The regular BDSM Unveiled Talk Tuesday will be back next week!

Malika's introduction of the video:

Malika Dandridge
Malika Dandridge
Daddi Cole
Daddi Cole

Daddi Cole is a lesbian-identified, gender fluid Author/Educator and Dominant whose work appears in six anthologies including Stud: Dispelling the Myths; At the Table: Words of Faith, Affirmation, and Inspiration for Young LGBTQI Believers of Color; and Creative License (2014)."

Figuring prominently into Atlanta’s Leatherbash (formerly the Mr. & Ms. Georgia Leather Contest) in 2011 and into the Women in Leather Legacy Conference (WILL) in 2012, DC was recognized at the Black Expressions Alternative Tastes Conference in 2012 for community service and at Black Beat 2014, where S/He moderated the Queer Roundtable. Daddi Cole is a civic leader in African American and LGBTQ communities, spearheading projects like the International LGBT Healthcare Awareness Ribbon, Bois Next Door and AGenda Benda's Justice, Inc.’s human trafficking prevention initiative.

S/He created Sex Positive Works as a vehicle for providing sex-positive life coaching, consultation, and education for consciousness raising around consensual Dominance/submission and other unconventional relational dynamics and living styles. To entertain & to enlighten, DC -a.k.a. Drag King LEGEND Rx- offers collage exhibition; community talks and workshops; and erotic demonstration/ performance, always embracing opportunities to collaborate with like-minded leaders in the field.

After five years of devoted submission, Daddi Cole's soko is now "in service" to the toddler who keeps the couple very busy. They also each birthed two children (now adults), all of whom are as brilliant as they are diverse. They reside in the eastern United States. Oh, and any gender pronoun is acceptable. As the little one says, "hers a boi."

Click the link below to watch the interview. Feel free to leave comments and questions below!

Post title: "BDSM Unveiled Talk Tuesday Presents: Malika's Interview with Daddi Cole"
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