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Michelle Fegatofi 12:11 AM 22 August 2014 Comment here!
We all have had these types of people around us in our vanilla lives. People that are always trying to show everyone around them that their lives are better because they have more expensive stuff, their house is bigger, or they are smarter because they have certain types of educational degrees.

One Uping the neighbor

Unfortunately, BDSM isn't any different. Over the years, I have seen both Dominants and submissives buy toys, clothes, and collars all in an attempt to show off. With the influx of people exploring the Lifestyle, this phenomenon has advanced at an epic rate. This is especially prevalent online. Think about your news feeds on the various social media sites you frequent. How much of it is filled with people showing something they bought, a status of what their Dom told them to do and how perfectly they followed it?

Annoying social media news feeds

Now, here's where you're wondering to yourself, "what's the point of this post?" The point is simple. People do not like a show off, someone that is always trying to 'one up' everybody else. How many times have you been in a group and someone posted something that did nothing to contribute to the overall theme in the group? I have seen it way too much.

Absolutely makes no sense

If, you are one of these types of people, please rethink the types of things you post. For one, many people in the BDSM community will not take you seriously. Second, most people don't like to be around or interact with show offs. And third, if you say you are a submissive, yet you continuously show off in the above mentioned manner, you are not a real submissive.

Fake submissive

A true submissive is humble. They do not flaunt their accomplishments and material possessions continuously. A true submissive is confident enough in his/her self and has no need to virtually yell to the world 'Look At Me!'. A true submissive does not share every detail of their relationship or minute details of their daily tasks and brag how they excelled in completing them.

A True Submissive

Just to clarify, I am not talking about sharing significant life events, like collarings or anniversaries, nor am I referring to people that post things every once in a while that they want to share because it's a special occasion. I am speaking to and about those that spam or bombard the news feeds constantly with how perfect they and their lives are.

Bullshit free zone

I have been bombarded with too many 'look at me' and 'I'm the best submissive' posts in my news feeds, groups, and emails this week. I hope this post makes you all take a second look at your own behavior online and in real life. If you think this post is directed at you specifically, then you might just need to think about making changes and reevaluate your life.

self reflection

Post title: "I Am A Better Submissive Than You!!!"

Michelle Fegatofi 2:16 AM 11 August 2014 1 Comment
Well, today's the day! It's the 3rd anniversary of the day Padrone flew to California to pack me up and bring me back to Italy to live with him as his 24/7 slave. To celebrate and mark the occasion, we got the same tattoo on our right arms. I know many people don't like or approve this kind of symbolic gesture, but it's a symbol of love and commitment to us.

Tattoos representing Padrone Marco and Michelle Fegatofi

We definitely have had some huge learning curves, as every relationship does, being from different countries and having a sixteen year age span between us. But, we both learned to compromise on some things and learned to live with others.

Padrone Marco and Michelle Fegatofi

Along the way, life has taught us both many things. I know some of you are thinking that as an M/s couple, there should be no compromises on the Master's part. That is simply not true. If a couple are in love and they want to have a lasting relationship, compromise is one of the key ingredients needed.

Compromise is the key

Padrone has added new rules, changed some rules, and completely eliminated others. We have had the normal ups and downs, but every down has brought us that much closer. You see, during a disagreement, we take it as an opportunity to learn and compromise versus holding grudges.

Michelle Fegatofi's tattoos and symbols of slavery and commitment.

Here are some basics that we have learned in the past three years as a couple and as a 24/7 M/s dynamic.

  1.  Always be truthful, even if your partner might not like what you have to say.
  2. Voice your thoughts! Never keep your partner guessing as to what you're feeling.
  3. Never make your partner jealous on purpose. That is just childish.
  4. Always make time for snuggling. Yes, simple snuggling can make a huge difference in how you feel.
  5. Compromise! I can't stress this enough.
  6. Don't dwell on small petty things. This can break a relationship.
  7. Don't keep bringing up past experiences. You have a past. Everyone does. The trick is to start this relationship with a fresh slate.
  8. Always learn from each other.
  9. Never take your partner or their contributions to your relationship for granted. Make sure they always know how much you appreciate everything they do.
  10. Don't assume. For good or bad, assumptions can lead to trouble you don't need.
  11. Always trust in the rules and teachings of your Dominant. 
  12. Don't make or cause drama where there is none.
There are many other things that I could list, but the above ones are a good base for anyone to follow. Above all, love, trust and always believe in your partner. 

Unbreakable by Michelle Fegatofi

Padrone Marco and Michelle Fegatofi

Post title: "I Am a BDSM Collared Slave - Three Years Later"

Michelle Fegatofi 3:00 PM 26 July 2014 1 Comment
On a previous post entitled All About Collars, I wrote about the different stages of collaring, collaring ceremonies, and what collars could possibly be made of. I neglected to add a few dos and don'ts, including safety tips.

BDSM Collar Dos and Don'ts

I have been wearing the same collar for about three years. It's a stainless steel Gorean collar that closes with a hex screw. If you have been following my blog, you have read how I've lost and gained weight since moving to Italy. When I was smaller, my collar was looser and I got used to that feeling. As I gained a little weight back, it became increasingly uncomfortable to sleep in. Padrone ordered me another collar that was exactly the same, just in one inch larger. Now, you can't tell a difference when you see it, but it makes a huge difference in my everyday comfort, especially when I'm sleeping.

Michelle Fegatofi's First and Second Gorean Eternity Collar

With that in mind, here is a list of collar do's and don'ts.
  1. Always make sure that whatever type of collar you wear is not tight. It should fit so you have no problem breathing, swallowing, and moving your head around and side to side.
  2. Ensure that you can get at least two fingers under your collar. If you can't, it is too small!
  3. If you sleep in a collar, make sure it's comfortable enough so there are no restrictions, but also that it can't catch on anything and hurt you.
  4. Never pull sharply on a leash or collar. This could cause neck muscle or spine damage.
  5. Never attach a collar to any type of suspension rig as a way of suspending a submissive. The submissive will choke and most likely be strangled.
  6. Always keep your collar clean. A dirty collar can lead to skin infections.
  7. If you develop a rash or sores, do not wear your collar until it has cleared up.
  8. Never wear a leather collar in the shower. It can ruin it and cause possible skin infections. 
  9. If you want to wear a collar to a job, make sure the collar can pass for regular jewelry. The more conspicuous the collar, the more possibility it could cause questions and issues to come up.
  10. If your collar has spikes or some other type of sharp protrusion coming off of it, always be careful not to poke yourself with it. These types of collars should be used for looks and not play.
Collared Female Symbol

So, no matter what type of collar you choose or when and where you wear it, just make sure it's comfortable and you follow all safety protocols.

My Collar by Michelle Fegatofi

Post title: "BDSM Collar Do's, Don'ts, and Safety "

Michelle Fegatofi 11:36 PM 15 July 2014 3 Comments
In the world of BDSM, we think of ourselves as being a high tolerance community that keeps open minds without judging others. I have found that to be true in most cases, with the exception to size. One thing that has stood out to me over the past couple of years is that size discrimination comes from both ends of the weight spectrum.

Size discrimination in BDSM

I have several pages on various social media sites. Over time, some of them started catering to different groups' wants. One page mostly portrayed thinner models in various BDSM situations. While the other page catered to larger women posing in different outfits and scenes. This is where it gets interesting.

Thin and plus sized people

On the page posting thinner pictures of women, I would get comments like "she needs a cheeseburger", "without curves, she should be a boy", and "real men like women with curves". After it happened more frequently, I have to say I was shocked! I always expected to get the occasional mean comment on my plus sized page, but never thought I would see so many on the "normal sized" page. I got to see first hand just how reverse size discrimination worked.

thin bdsm model

Now, on the plus sized page, it was just the opposite. We got comments such as "fat pig", "looks more like a hippo in a corset", "fat, ugly, porker" and some so vile I refuse to repeat them. I had expected this. I would delete and ban the offender. What I never expected was comments such as "she's not big enough to be a BBW" or "what makes her plus size". Apparently some people didn't think the women were large enough. I was stunned when this first happened. I always posted a variety of different sized and shaped plus size women.

BBW, plus sized sub

If you guys have followed me for any length of time, you should know that I don't tolerate any form of discrimination (gender, race, size, sexual orientation, etc..). A few days ago, I got a comment once again on the plus sized page asking me what made her plus sized. I answered that she was a well known size 14 model, which in the USA means plus sized. Shortly after, I received a heated response asking me to detail what sizes I thought the descriptions 'plus size', 'BBW', and 'SSBBW' consist of. Of course I didn't answer. That did spark a great question that I posed to my followers on various sites on the internet. Some very interesting comments and discussions ensued after.  

Size Labeling Debate

Many people said that women should not be labeled at all. Some stated what they thought constituted a BBW and SSBBW. Some thought plus size, BBW, and SSBBW are three different tiers for describing larger women. I got a couple of angry comments stating that simply asking the question was very offensive.

I have known my entire life that I can't please everyone. I never have and never will. Here are my thoughts on the entire situation.

Discrimination free zone

  • I believe people that have a wonderful personality and character are beautiful, no matter their outer shell.
  • I believe that every woman, despite size/shape/color/age can be an awesome, loved, and desirable submissive with the right Dominant.
  • I see nothing wrong or offensive with the terms plus size or BBW. To me, they are the same and can be used interchangeably to describe women that are are on the larger side of what the general public deem as 'normal'.
  • I also thoroughly believe that size discrimination and segregation is completely wrong, in any shape or form. 
Therefore, after much discussion with my Padrone, I have decided to combine all of my pages into one that posts pictures of every size and shape, with absolutely no tolerance for negative comments.  Why? Because I need to 'practice what I preach'. 

Practice what you teach

The BDSM community is supposed to be a high tolerance, open minded community. If I continue to run separate pages for different groups, I see it as a form of segregation, separate but equal. That is not what we should be promoting. I know many people will not lime it. Many of the old followers won't follow the new pages. But, I accept this. I hope that with time, new people will follow me and help promote the spirit of a united community. 

United Global BDSM Community

Thank you all for your continued support and I hope that my words have either helped sway your opinion, or at the very least, opened your mind to a different way of thinking.  

Post title: "Size Discrimination and Reverse Size Discrimination in BDSM"

Michelle Fegatofi 12:54 AM 27 June 2014 Comment here!
I have recently received many questions from new and unattached submissives asking for my thoughts on Submissive/Slave resumes.
I honestly haven't thought much about them because I have never used, or had use for, one myself. I do think they could be used as a handy tool for both the submissive and any potential Dominants they might come across.

Submissive Resume

So, what would a new submissive put on a resume? I know you might be thinking that since you have never been in a BDSM relationship, nor had any formal training, you really have nothing of value that would make sense to put on this type of document. That is where you are wrong. You have Life experience. You have your abilities, hobbies, and hard limits. Take this opportunity to really set yourself apart from other potential applicants. Use the document to give potential Dominants a real sense of who you are as a person, not just your abilities.

No Experience. No Problem.

Here is a list of different sections that should be included on a submissive resume. (Note: I have written this for new submissives that have not had any training and have never been in any BDSM relationships. If you are an experienced submissive, you should add a Training section to the below resume. List any and all training you have had. List any rules and punishments you were subjected to. You also might want to add a list of all past BDSM relationships you were in.)

All About Me

  • Objective - What is your long term goal? What type of relationship are you looking for? (Training, part time sub, play partner, 24/7 situation)
  • Summary - This is where you can tell a little about yourself. When you became aware of your submissive side. Any relationships you are currently in. How you came to find out about the Lifestyle. How long you have known about and been interested in exploring your submissive side. What type of training you have read about and want to try. 
  • Qualifications - If you are new, this is where you need to be creative. List all of your life accomplishments that you think would be beneficial to a potential Dominant. You can include things such as your domestic abilities (cooking, cleaning, sewing, etc), organizational abilities (party planner, etc), if you are able to drive, or any abilities to do domestic maintenance or repairs. But remember, BE HONEST! Do not put that you can cook a 5 course French meal if you burn water. 
  • Education - List any and all educational classes or vocational training you have had. (College, CPR, Diving Instructor, etc)
  • Hobbies - What do you like to do in your spare time? What activities keep you occupied when you are not working? What interests do you have? Again, be creative but be honest. Do not put you love nature hikes if you hate nature. 
  • Reading - List different genres of books you like to read or types of web sites you like to browse. Examples would be erotica, BDSM educational, Dog training, flowers magazines, etc...
  • Hard Limits - This might be a hard section for you to fill in if you are new and have never looked into a Limits worksheet. I would list at least three hard limits, even if you don't know what all of your's are. Some items on your list may be Polyamoury (No sharing with other people), No edge play (using knives, breath play, needles), or waterworks/scat play (People that enjoy pee and fecal play)
  • Health - List any and all health problems that you may have. You can also list any healthy activities that you do here, such as running, working out, etc. 
  • Organizational Associations - List any organizations that you are a member of (BDSM or non BDSM related). Make sure to put any time constraints these organizations may put on you (meetings, etc)

I really encourage each of you to try this, even if you don't use it. You should always keep it updated, just in case you do decide to utilize it. I think it is another great tool that you can use in your journey to submission.

Find your path

Post title: "Submissive-Slave BDSM Resumes"

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