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Michelle Fegatofi 12:47 AM 23 May 2016 5 Comments
I have worn a collar for almost 5 years straight. Padrone has bought every one and put them on me. Today, I took it off. Why? Because I have a small mosquito bite that is very sore and is being irritated by the collar. It feels so weird not having my collar on because I literally always have it on: showers, sleeping, everywhere else. Having my collar off felt weird but also sparked many questions in my brain.

Does me taking it off mean I'm less submissive? No.

Does me not wearing it when I'm outside show disrespect for my Padrone? Absolutely not.

Am I still as devoted and committed to serving him today as I was yesterday with or without wearing my collar? Absolutely yes.

Does a collar define who I am as a slave? No.

Michelle Fegatofi without a Collar
I wrote a post titled All About Collars a few years ago. In it, I tried to define the history and significance of giving a collar to a partner as well as the importance of it. Over the past year, I have seen an alarming trend among single submissives, especially those that are newer to the BDSM Lifestyle. These submissives are showing a trend towards two distinctly different paths but both having one goal: wearing a Collar.

These subs see having a Collar as a status symbol in the community. They feel that a collar will give them more importance and make them look more legitimate within the BDSM community. Most of these types of subs are Online only subs, those people that practice BDSM online only and do not live it in their real world everyday lives.

The first trend is the submissive whose main goal is to become the submissive partner to a dominant and get a collar. This type of sub doesn't care if their relationship will last long or not, they are just determined to attach themselves to a Dom who will collar them and give them the 'bragging rights' that they are collared as compared to other subs in the groups they frequent.

I was Padrone's slave for 5 months before he even collared me. He wanted to make sure that we had a good fit and we needed to work out our relationship as it was online only at that time. We both had preconceived notions as to how our dynamic would work. After many ups and downs, time and patience, and many honest and open discussions, we worked out all of our protocols, limits, rules and other relationship details. Only after all of these had been worked on and agreed to did Padrone buy and send me a collar. When we both felt the time was right for us both to make that deeper commitment was when we took that final step.

Padrone Marco and Michelle Fegatofi Collared
We already had a wonderful relationship and connection without me wearing an actual collar. It was the feelings inside me that made me want and crave submitting to him. It was the emotions and a connection that I was meant to be his that made me his slave, not a piece of metal around my neck. When he placed the collar on my neck it was a symbol that reflected our love, commitment, and devotion. The collar itself was not what made me submit.

The second trend I've seen all around various BDSM online sites are unattached subs buying collars and wearing them as a fashion statement. These subs love to post pics of themselves all over the internet and their pages wearing a collar and claiming to be a submissive or slave without actually being in any type of relationship. In these cases, that collar they have around their necks are nothing but decoration. There is no meaning behind it, no matter what the person wearing it claims.

I've read things like wearing a collar makes them feel submissive or wearing a collar shows the world that they are a submissive. Wearing a collar was meant to be a gift from a Dominant to his/her submissive. It is meant for that submissive to feel more submissive, loved and secure. It is also meant to be a symbol for the two of them of their devotion and relationship dynamic. Being a single person wearing a collar is not going to 'make you submissive' nor can it really 'make you feel like a sub'. These are things that you have to feel on your own, within a true BDSM dynamic, to understand the real meaning of what it is to be collared by your Dominant.

Padrone Marco and Michelle Fegatofi without CollarI have no idea how long I will be without my collar. It all depends on how long it takes for this annoying bug bite to go away and heal. But during this time, I won't feel any less of a slave to my Padrone. I won't act any differently in our dynamic. It won't make people in the outside world or online see me differently. Why? Because my actions, words, and feelings always show everyone around me who I belong to. People automatically know that I am taken and have no interest in anyone else.

I hope if you are one of those subs that are into the lifestyle just looking at a collar as a status symbol that this will help you understand that there is a much deeper meaning to being collared. I hope you understand that without feeling the deep need and connection inside yourself that any collar you wear around your neck is meaningless and just a piece of metal or leather.

There are so many things that have evolved in the BDSM community over the past 15 years but I hope the true meaning of the collar never changes. I, for one, will never think of it or wear one unless the devotion and submission are felt inside myself.

Let me know your thoughts on this matter by leaving a comment below!


Post title: "Being a Submissive is More Than the Collar I Wear"
by:

Michelle Fegatofi 10:47 PM 07 May 2016 Comment here!
For every new submissive entering into the world of BDSM for the first time, there are many things that you will learn over time by reading and researching, participating in munches and groups, but also eventually entering into a relationship with a Dominant. As you gain experiences and continuously educate yourself, you will find that some of your Limits and beliefs change.

Five Important Things Every Sub Should Know

After spending so many years in the Lifestyle, but also advising and helping many people with various aspects of BDSM, here are my top five items that I think every new submissive should know and consider before getting deeply involved in the BDSM community.

1. Have a Limits List filled out. 
    Even if you have not participated in any S&M or BDSM activities, download, research and check
    off all items that you will and will not allow. This will not only help you understand portions of
    the Lifestyle that you may have never heard of but also help any future potential partners know
    your limits and be able to compare them to their own.

2. You do not owe your submission to anyone. Submitting to a Dominant is your choice. 
    Submitting to a dominant is a very personal choice and should never be given to anyone lightly.
    After you find the dominant you feel a very deep need and desire to serve and submit to, that's  
    when you will know it's the right time to submit. You always have the option to say NO. Never
    forget that.

    If any dominant demands you submit to them in any way, no matter if you are online or in real life,
    just tell them no or walk away. If they persist in harassing you, report them to the admin of the
    online site or to the host of the real life get together.

3. Knowledge is power. Educate yourself on the General BDSM Basics before participating in 
    any activities. 
    Read and research all you can about the various ways to practice BDSM. There are many web
    sites and books that you can read to gain a basic knowledge of the different relationship
    dynamics, titles, and roles. The more you know, the better prepared you will be to participate in
    group activities and have a better understanding of weeding out the fakes that are not really
    dominants or submissives but only looking for someone to abuse.

4. Keep an Open Mind and Don't Judge Other's Kink. 
    When you start learning and actually practicing BDSM, you will come across many different
    things that you may not like. You have to keep in mind that just because something is not your
    type of kink, that it doesn't mean you have the right to disrespect someone else for practicing a
    different version of the Lifestyle.
 
5. Take Your Time to Find Your Own Way. Always Think Safety First. 
    Don't rush into Any situations or relationships without being aware of what could happen.
    If you rush into a relationship, rather it be for a play scene or a longer relationship, you will most
    likely end up hurt because you rushed into a situation without understanding the consequences or
    really knowing the person you entered into a play scene/relationship with.

You can download my free Limits Worksheet at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/515793.

Every veteran in the BDSM scene will have their own list that they think a submissive should know. As you grow in knowledge and years of practicing the Lifestyle, you will compile your own list that will most likely be different from mine above. If you have anything you would like to add, please comment below!




Post title: "Five Things Every New BDSM Submissive Should Know"
by:

Michelle Fegatofi 12:32 PM 26 April 2016 Comment here!


Post title: "New Improved BDSM Unveiled Coming Soon! "
by:

Michelle Fegatofi 10:01 PM 16 April 2016 2 Comments
Losing yourself in BDSM Submission
Over the past week, I've read several posts on different websites about submissives feeling like they have lost their own sense of self because of the amount of effort, energy, time, and emotions they are investing in their relationship with their Dominant. They feel like they are doing everything for their dominants and not keeping their core selfs intact.

Being a submissive should make you feel positive things, not negative. You should feel loved not alone, found not lost, protected not exposed. Yes, as with any relationship, there will be times that you are in disagreement with your dominant partner and there will be times when you may question your submission. But for the most part, you should want and feel the need to serve your Dominant.

I am fortunate in that I literally spend 24/7 with my Padrone. He takes me everywhere. I go to work with him 6 nights a week and we are usually in the same room together. Now, some might find this stifling or co-dependant behavior, but for us, it's just our normal. There are times when I spend an hour or so in a different room during the day on the rare occasions I'm awake during a time to enjoy a bit of sun. Or, I might take the dogs for a walk but am never gone for more than 30 minutes.

I never feel like I don't have my own identity or that by serving Padrone, with all of the things I do, that I am to caught up in him. He never says anything about what I read or watch on TV. He always encourages me to do what makes me happy and not to stress about things. He has things he enjoys reading and studying on the internet that I have no interest in and I read genres of books that he raises his eyebrows at. But again, we know we are two very different people but we mesh together in a way that is poetic.

For those that are feeling that you have lost your sense of self or own individual identity outside submission, ask yourself why? What is making you feel this way? How long have you felt this? Is it a  bad phase that you are passing through or are there valid reasons? Does your dominant push his point of view onto yours and disregard your feelings? Does your Dom isolate you from family and friends?

You have to sit down and think about your life as a whole, including friends, family, coworkers as well as your dominant. Remember how it was before you met and started submitting to your Dom and how it has changed afterwards.

Pinpoint the differences and write them down. This is what you will need to use to find the balance that you feel you're missing. You have to have balance while submitting to your dominant but also keeping your inner self happy.

Padrone Marco and Slave Michelle Fegatofi
My submission and the decision I made to become Padrone's consensual slave didn't change my identity, but just made me feel as if I had finally found my place in life and the one that I was born to be with. My life has changed drastically from before I met him to now, but my core personality, my sense of self has not changed. If you are with the right person, the right partner, they will not try to change your core values and personality.

Did you give up activities that you really enjoy doing after you submitted? Are you not getting enough 'you time'? Even if you feel the pull to give your entire life over to your dominant to direct as they see fit, you and your Dom have to realize that you both have to have some activities that you like to pursue by yourself. You have to have downtime where you are allowed to think about yourself and pursue your own interests without the interference or obligations of submission.

After you evaluate your life, think of changes you would like to make or introduce into your relationship with your dominant. Most dominants will understand and accept the changes because their number one priority is to ensure the happiness and health of their sub.

Being a submissive or slave to a Dominant should be a joyous event and never seen as negative. Even though you may be the submissive in the relationship, you have to remember to communicate openly and honestly to your dominant about your feelings, whether they are good or bad. Dominants are not mind readers, despite how they may come across. Let them know everything you feel and together, you can work towards a solution that will benefit you both.

Submission is never harmful



Post title: "Losing Yourself in BDSM Submission"
by:

Michelle Fegatofi 9:58 PM 08 March 2016 Comment here!
In honor of National Woman's Day, I'd like to take a moment to recognize all of the women that participate in the BDSM Lifestyle!

Whether you are Dominant, Submissive, or Switch; tall, short, skinny or curvy; You are all awesome!

Female Dominant

Female Submissive

Female Switch


Happy Woman's Day!



Post title: "Celebrating The Women of BDSM"
by:
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