I didn't have the confidence in myself to be comfortable in my own skin. It took me 43 years to get there, but I finally have arrived. I love my shape and I love my body just as it is. It's the only one I will ever get! I finally learned to stop caring what other people thought of my body and what I put on it. I have 2 tattoos, fat rolls, stretch marks, scars, flabby arms and thighs. I love every part of me because I earned those imperfections. They are badges of honor for the life I have lead so far.
I also realized that me not taking pride in myself, in my body, was in a way, disrespecting my Padrone. Padrone loves my body as it is. He has always encouraged me to wear things that fit my shape and show it off versus covering it all up in large, shapeless clothes. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how proud he is to show me off when we are out and about. I grew up thinking if you were larger than a size 8, you had to wear really big clothes to disguise your shape. That's just what people did. As I got older and got involved in unhealthy relationships as an adult, I continued thinking being fat and showing off my shape was a sin. Now, I know better!
Being a BDSM submissive slave has so many facets to it. For me, it's a mindset, a lifestyle, and an overall philosophy. Taking pride in myself, my actions and my body is taking pride in my submission. How? It means that I know I am worthy of all the attention my Padrone gives to me. I am worthy of his love and guidance. I am worthy of everything he gives me.
When I didn't show confidence in my body, how could I be confident in my submission? If I don't like myself, like everything about me, that is just like me telling Padrone he is wrong about what he thinks about me. If he likes my body as it is but I don't, that is not submitting to him completely. As a slave, I have surrendered my entire self to him willingly and consensually. When I agreed to become his slave, I agreed that his word was always final. He loves me as I am but I didn't, so I was violating my submission to him.
As a submissive, you take pride in how you serve your Dominant. You follow their directions, perform tasks, follow their rules and protocols. You take pride in your abilities and love learning new ways and forms of submission. If you are not confident in yourself, it will affect your submission. There are things that your Dominant will ask you and if you aren't confident in yourself and your abilities, you will feel like you are being pushed past your limits and might shut down or strike out at your dominant.
Take a few moments each day, whether it is the first thing or the last thing you do to start building that confidence in yourself that you deserve to feel. Own your body. Own your mind. Own your surroundings.
How can someone else 'own you' if you never knew what it means to 'own yourself'?