--> July 2014 | BDSM Unveiled

On a previous post entitled

All About Collars, I wrote about the different stages of collaring, collaring ceremonies, and what collars could possibly be made of. I neglected to add a few dos and don'ts, including safety tips.

BDSM Collar Dos and Don'ts

I have been wearing the same collar for about three years. It's a stainless steel Gorean collar that closes with a hex screw. If you have been following my blog, you have read how I've lost and gained weight since moving to Italy. When I was smaller, my collar was looser and I got used to that feeling. As I gained a little weight back, it became increasingly uncomfortable to sleep in. Padrone ordered me another collar that was exactly the same, just in one inch larger. Now, you can't tell a difference when you see it, but it makes a huge difference in my everyday comfort, especially when I'm sleeping.

Michelle Fegatofi's First and Second Gorean Eternity Collar

With that in mind, here is a list of collar do's and don'ts.
  1. Always make sure that whatever type of collar you wear is not tight. It should fit so you have no problem breathing, swallowing, and moving your head around and side to side.
  2. Ensure that you can get at least two fingers under your collar. If you can't, it is too small!
  3. If you sleep in a collar, make sure it's comfortable enough so there are no restrictions, but also that it can't catch on anything and hurt you.
  4. Never pull sharply on a leash or collar. This could cause neck muscle or spine damage.
  5. Never attach a collar to any type of suspension rig as a way of suspending a submissive. The submissive will choke and most likely be strangled.
  6. Always keep your collar clean. A dirty collar can lead to skin infections.
  7. If you develop a rash or sores, do not wear your collar until it has cleared up.
  8. Never wear a leather collar in the shower. It can ruin it and cause possible skin infections. 
  9. If you want to wear a collar to a job, make sure the collar can pass for regular jewelry. The more conspicuous the collar, the more possibility it could cause questions and issues to come up.
  10. If your collar has spikes or some other type of sharp protrusion coming off of it, always be careful not to poke yourself with it. These types of collars should be used for looks and not play.
Collared Female Symbol

So, no matter what type of collar you choose or when and where you wear it, just make sure it's comfortable and you follow all safety protocols.

My Collar by Michelle Fegatofi

Post title: " BDSM Collar Do's Don'ts and Safety "
by: Michelle Fegatofi signature Red line

In the world of BDSM, we think of ourselves as being a high tolerance community that keeps open minds without judging others.

I have found that to be true in most cases, with the exception to size. One thing that has stood out to me over the past couple of years is that size discrimination comes from both ends of the weight spectrum.

Size discrimination in BDSM

I have several pages on various social media sites. Over time, some of them started catering to different groups' wants. One page mostly portrayed thinner models in various BDSM situations. While the other page catered to larger women posing in different outfits and scenes. This is where it gets interesting.

Thin and plus sized people

On the page posting thinner pictures of women, I would get comments like "she needs a cheeseburger", "without curves, she should be a boy", and "real men like women with curves". After it happened more frequently, I have to say I was shocked! I always expected to get the occasional mean comment on my plus sized page, but never thought I would see so many on the "normal sized" page. I got to see first hand just how reverse size discrimination worked.

thin bdsm model

Now, on the plus sized page, it was just the opposite. We got comments such as "fat pig", "looks more like a hippo in a corset", "fat, ugly, porker" and some so vile I refuse to repeat them. I had expected this. I would delete and ban the offender. What I never expected was comments such as "she's not big enough to be a BBW" or "what makes her plus size". Apparently some people didn't think the women were large enough. I was stunned when this first happened. I always posted a variety of different sized and shaped plus size women.

BBW, plus sized sub

If you guys have followed me for any length of time, you should know that I don't tolerate any form of discrimination (gender, race, size, sexual orientation, etc..). A few days ago, I got a comment once again on the plus sized page asking me what made her plus sized. I answered that she was a well known size 14 model, which in the USA means plus sized. Shortly after, I received a heated response asking me to detail what sizes I thought the descriptions 'plus size', 'BBW', and 'SSBBW' consist of. Of course I didn't answer. That did spark a great question that I posed to my followers on various sites on the internet. Some very interesting comments and discussions ensued after.

Size Labeling Debate

Many people said that women should not be labeled at all. Some stated what they thought constituted a BBW and SSBBW. Some thought plus size, BBW, and SSBBW are three different tiers for describing larger women. I got a couple of angry comments stating that simply asking the question was very offensive.

I have known my entire life that I can't please everyone. I never have and never will. Here are my thoughts on the entire situation.

Discrimination free zone

  • I believe people that have a wonderful personality and character are beautiful, no matter their outer shell.
  • I believe that every woman, despite size/shape/color/age can be an awesome, loved, and desirable submissive with the right Dominant.
  • I see nothing wrong or offensive with the terms plus size or BBW. To me, they are the same and can be used interchangeably to describe women that are on the larger side of what the general public deem as 'normal'.
  • I also thoroughly believe that size discrimination and segregation is completely wrong, in any shape or form. 
Therefore, after much discussion with my Padrone, I have decided to combine all of my pages into one that posts pictures of every size and shape, with absolutely no tolerance for negative comments.  Why? Because I need to 'practice what I preach'. 

Practice what you teach

The BDSM community is supposed to be a high tolerance, open minded community. If I continue to run separate pages for different groups, I see it as a form of segregation, separate but equal. That is not what we should be promoting. I know many people will not lime it. Many of the old followers won't follow the new pages. But, I accept this. I hope that with time, new people will follow me and help promote the spirit of a united community

United Global BDSM Community

Thank you all for your continued support and I hope that my words have either helped sway your opinion, or at the very least, opened your mind to a different way of thinking.  

Post title: " Size Discrimination and Reverse Size Discrimination in BDSM "
by: Michelle Fegatofi signature Red line


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