BDSM Unveiled: 2015 Year in Review

2015 has gone by so fast. I remember starting the year with optimism, trying to approach my blog, the community and life with a fresh pair of eyes. I really felt a renewed energy not only in my connections to the Lifestyle, but also in life in general.

Now, here we are, right on the brink of starting another new year. I look back with some disappointments in things I didn’t achieve but also happy with the accomplishments that did happen.

Within the community as a collective whole, I’ve seen the usual new BDSM pages pop up, seen many close down, seen people come and go, and noted that many pages/people were still on a steady growth.

In April and May, our personal lives were in transition as we were hunting for a new place to live and finally found it and moved on June 1st. The entire process of packing, scheduling, unpacking and working during this entire time was very stressful but we made it through. My focus was completely not on writing, but just getting Padrone and myself back into a routine and making the new apartment home.

In 2014 and the early half of 2015, people were still coming in droves, declaring themselves a dom/master/sub/slave without having a clue what those titles really meant, and diving head first into what they called a TPE, only to have a new partner a month later because the old one hadn’t worked out. In August, I noticed the amount of new online BDSM people asking to be admitted to groups and pages decreasing in huge numbers. I think the affect that the 50 Shades books/movies had on the vanilla world finally ran it’s course.

I published a new book on Contracts and continued to mentor and answer questions when people asked me about the Lifestyle. My priorities changed at towards the end of the year from BDSM education to a new venture that is still in the early stages of development. I’m trying my hand at writing a trilogy of Sci-fi based fiction books. I’m not sure how long it will take to write even the first one, but it is an exciting new project I have on the horizon.

My first BDSM educational book, BDSM Basics for Beginners, is going to be translated and distributed in the Czech Republic by the end of 2016. They are even thinking of translating it into a few other languages.

The year for us was one of transitions, new beginnings, branching out in new directions, but always doing it together as a couple. Padrone has supported, guided and advised me on everything. I can say without a doubt that we have grown even closer in this past year.

Many couples that live a BDSM D/s or M/s lifestyle don’t think you can actually work together as a team. They see the Dominant as the only source of decision making. I respect those couples, but we are living proof that you can have an M/s relationship but also work as a team in certain arenas.

I have addressed this topic before and I will once again. The year ended on a bad note with the arrest of Mike Makai and one of his girlfriends. If you haven’t read the story, you can find it all over the internet. I won’t repost all the charges here.

After his past as a registered sex offender came to light and his newest arrest, I received many emails asking how this could happen. How could someone that had his background become a self proclaimed expert in the BDSM Lifestyle? What did everyone miss? How did he fool the entire community?

There are always going to be con men out in the world, especially on the internet. There are always going to be people that tell you what you want to hear, invent a whole new persona, just to get what they want. Most of them do it to gain your trust so they can get whatever their endgame is.

To protect yourself, you can research a person very thoroughly and still may not come up with their true identity. Listen to what your instincts are telling you. If you get the impression that something is off with a person, then listen to it. Take all the normal precautions you would when talking to strangers on the internet. Never give them your real phone number, home address, or financial information. If you ever are going to meet them in person after you feel secure enough, make sure it’s in a very well populated public place and you have someone with you that can help keep an eye out. Never allow the person to follow you home until you are absolutely sure about their identity and intentions.

As far as Makai, he covered his tracks very well and there were no references that could be found to connect him to his real name. There will be others that come along and fool us in the community. His indiscretions and bad decisions have given a new stigma to our community. We have to pick up and move forward. He really didn’t live what he taught.

With this black mark against our community, we are going to have to work extra hard as a community to try to recover our credibility. We are going to have to come together as a community and support each other when the backlash hits, as no doubt a huge wave will hit the Lifestyle as the details and trial of Makai come in the beginning of 2016.

I’m personally not going to make any New Year’s resolutions. I’m just going to concentrate on my own life and the relationships I’ve built over the years. I’m going to do my best to make the world around me beautiful and as free of stress as possible. I am making a promise to enjoy every day that dawns and every night that the moon rises. I want to enjoy life and not stress about my weight, looks or age. I want to enjoy my ever changing and growing relationship with my Padrone.

I urge you all to do the same thing. Enjoy your life as best as you can. Try not to allow the every day small stuff get under your skin and make your stress levels rise.

Simply love your life. Grow your knowledge. Make changes that make you happy. Just try your best to be happy.