BDSM Unveiled Talk Tuesday 28 October 2014

Hello and happy Tuesday everyone! It's time again for Talk Tuesday!

I've picked two very interesting questions once again that I think will help further your own journeys into the BDSM Lifestyle.

Question #1) "How long after beginning a dialogue with someone on line (dating sites or Facebook) should you meet in person? I have had a few online inquiries who want to meet but I am always reluctant because most do not use their own name nor when asked do they provide much information about themselves. They also do not ask questions of me that make me feel that they want to get to know me. In fact, I feel hat they only want to meet to judge sexual attraction. What do you think?"

I believe in safety first. If you meet someone online, you should get to know the real them before meeting them in person. If someone refuses to show you a picture of their real face or tell you their real name, there is probably much more they are hiding. I'm not saying everyone is like that, but if someone likes you enough online that they want to meet in person, there should be no problem with telling you their real name, phone number, and the type of car they drive.

As far as time, it all depends on individual people. If you meet someone and you just connect, you know some of the same online people that can verify the character and real identity of the person, then maybe all you need is a month. For others, they are much slower and more cautious and meet years after first speaking online together.

Above all, follow you instincts. Make sure if you have any reservations at all, that you don't meet the person before you are comfortable. Always make sure you leave the meeting place, person's name and telephone number, and any other relevant information with a friend just in case.

Here are some links for more information on this subject:

First Meetings: Cyber to Real Life
Predators are Everywhere: Beware
A Tale of Caution for Cyber BDSM

Question #2) "OK I'm a male and in the bedroom I'm a sub and my partner is my mistress/wife. We like strap-on play gags whips ect. But biggest thing we like to do is I wear lingerie like bra, panties, stockings, garter but thats all no makeup, heels or anything further than that. But I guess the kicker is that I wear women's panties outside the bedroom 24/7 I love them they are more comfortable than boxers I won't ever go back. Anyways wearing panties outside the bedroom do I have a different sexual status I guess it would be called straight/bisexual ect. I'm a straight man though I do like receiving anal play from a form of strap-on tried reading up on it can't find anything on it, other than men wearing panties is becoming more popular."

You would probably amazed at how many straight men I have met or heard from with similar situations. They have no sexual interest in other men, have no interest in cross dressing or wanting to becomes a transgender. They are confused as to why they like having a strap-on used by a female to receive anal play. They dress in women's lingerie for they pleasure it brings them to follow the requests of their female partners. And many of them love the humiliation that can come from that. What they don't know is that they are male submissives and some are also masochists. I think in the bedroom you are a masochistic submissive.

Although it is definitely a different path from what society considers 'normal', don't stress about it. If you and your partner are comfortable and happy, then keep doing what you're doing.

Helpful links for more information:

Men wearing Women's Underwear Fetish
Underwear Fetishism

Remember that you can send me your questions anytime by emailing me at bdsmunveiled@gmail.com! Come back next Tuesday for another round of BDSM Unveiled Talk Tuesday!

I Am A Submissive Woman

I Am A Submissive Woman

i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive

to my Master in a loving relationship.

i am not weak or stupid. i am a strong woman,

with firm views and a clear concept of what i want out of my life.

i do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength.

i will look to my loving Master for guidance and protection, for never

will i be more complete than when He is with me.

i know that He will protect my body, my mind, and my soul

with His strength and wisdom.

He is everything to me, as i am everything to Him.

His touch awakens me and His thoughts free me.

Only in serving Him do i find complete freedom and joy…

His punishments may be harsh, but i accept them thankfully,

knowing that He has my best interests always foremost in His mind.

If He desires my body for pleasure, i shall joyfully give it to Him

and take pleasure myself from knowing that i have brought Him happiness.

However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of O/our relationship.

The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt,

those are all parts of this relationship.

My body is His, and if He says i am beautiful, then i am.

No matter what i look like to others, i am beautiful in His eyes,

and because of that i hold my head high.

If He says i am His precious jewel,

then i am that…a beautiful, sparkling gem.

If He says that i am His pet, His slut, His whore, then i am that..

as wanton and dirty as He wants me to be.

My mind is His, to expand, to explore, to know only as He can.

i have no secrets from Him… for secrets are a thing that would

keep me from being more perfectly His.

Secrets would put a wall up between my Master and myself…

and i do not want walls.

His lessons are not always ones i would seek on my own,

but they are lessons He has decided that i need, and so i learn from Him.

My soul is His, as bare to His touch as ever my skin could be

when i kneel naked at His feet.

Never a moment goes by when i do not feel His presence,

be He miles away or standing over me.

If i were to ever displease Him, His displeasure would be a blow to my soul,

worse punishment than any lashes could be.

The anguish of my soul that i feel when i disappoint Him

is harder to bear than any physical anguish i feel.

i am grateful that he cares enough about me to spend

His time and energy so freely on me.

i have the easier job, to feel, to experience,

to let myself go and abandon everything to Him.

i am His pleasure and His responsibility, and He takes both seriously .

i am a submissive woman.

i am proud to call myself that, my submission is a gift that i do not give lightly,

and can only be given to the One who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.

Only to my Master who has that strength, will i give myself fully,

because i am strong and proud.

i am a submissive woman.

BDSM Unveiled: Talk Tuesday Questions for 10/21/2014

Today is the first in what I hope will become a weekly occurrence of me answering great questions submitted to me by readers from around the globe. Below there are a variety of topics discussed as well as some links to more in-depth reading. 

Question #1) "I call myself a babygirl/sub with a few slave traits. Babygirl=because I want to be protected and treated like a princesses, sub=because I want to please him and slave=because I have this need to serve him sexually and domestic. Am I classifying myself properly?"

                                       

Classifications are simply titles that we, as humans, need so that we may better explain to ourselves and others what we are, what we represent, or simply to feel more comfortable. Every sub wants to be protected by her Dom. That is a common trait among most subs. Now, 'being treated like a princess' is not what I would consider a submissive trait. We all want to be treated with love and respect by our partners and should expect a certain level of treatment, but not expect princess or queen treatment. To me, that is something that is more reserved for a dominant female. A baby girl usually wants a softer dominant with more lenient rules. As far as the differences between sub and slave, it varies from person to person. The needs you describe are all submissive traits. A slave is one that wants all decisions made for her. She craves rules, structure, and the peace of mind that comes with not having the responsibilities of decision making in most things pertaining to daily life. Both submissives and slaves want to serve their dominants in various ways. Decide if you want a relationship where most of, if not your entire life has decision made for you? If the answer is no, then you are not a slave but a submissive with a deep desire to serve her Dominant. As far as classifications, don't get too hung up on them because every person has their own variation of what a sub/slave/bg is. Just find one that you are satisfied with and go with it.

For more information, visit the following links:

Submissive vs Slave

Titles and Classifications

What Type of Submissive are You?

Question #2) "The Daddy Dom I was with for almost a year was wonderful, kind and loving. About 6 months into the LDR he started to change. He had 2 deaths in the family within a month of each other (one was his mother). He stopped tasking me saying that I wasn't doing as he wanted and that he was getting tired of having to revisit the same subjects over and over again because I "couldn't get them right" and talked about what a sucky sub I was and that I would be a better online sub because I could fake it better. I know deep down what I am, I know the needs and the cravings I have to submit. My question is if I feel it so strong why is it that I was having so much trouble learning and retaining the information he was trying to teach me?" 

First, I need to know how you were in the beginning when he was kinder? Where you able to learn and adapt to his ways and the things he was teaching you? Where the items he was trying to teach consistent or did he waver and change them? Just from the little you have told me, it sounds like you need a strong but kind and patient dominant that is extremely consistent in what he is trying to teach you. I think that a number of things contributed to what you term as your inability to learn. His inconsistent behavior, the pressures he was under from dealing with emotional stresses, and there were probably things in your own life that were a priority over your submission. I don't know on that last part, but it's just a guess. I think that life was one of many factors to the reasons you didn't work out, bit I don't think that you are unable to learn. With the right dominant and the right life circumstances, I think you will be a great sub.

For more information, visit the following links:

Respect and Submission

Submissive or Slave Training

Question #3) "The most heartbreaking post for me are the ones from submissives who are abused by fakers, abusers, and just plain creeps. Those who just abandon the Sub or string her along through online and long distance contact are not dominants. Recently I was reading an article that suggest that these things happen repeatedly and in such large numbers because we, the Submissives, are allowing it by not vetting the individual. Many Submissives have low self esteem and are just accepting anyone that wants to play with them. They are not following the information that clearly outlines safety in meeting and playing with someone. And most importantly they are not following their guts, questioning the slightest discrepancies in word and behavior and walking away. Are we failing to safe guard ourselves physical and emotional?"

Many abusive people use BDSM as a cover for themselves. They will call themselves dominant and will make an entire fake profile and history to catch new, inexperienced, or unwary subs. With the influx of people into the lifestyle over the past few years and the ever expanding internet, many people have dropped all precautions. New subs either don't know or just don't follow common sense safety precautions, online and in real life. We have to think about safety and take precautionary measures in both arenas because many relationships start off online and then transition into a real life situation. There are many females that come online with unrealistic expectations of what they are looking for and exactly what they might get into. I have come across many newbies that entered into an online D/s relationship with a person they had not known for longer than a week and had no clear understanding of what they were getting into. Needless to say, most of those relationships ended with hurt, confused, and misguided subs. I always advise new people to read everything about the lifestyle they can, possibly participate in discussion groups and maybe go to a few munches before ever considering any type of BDSM relationship. With knowledge, you have power and enlightenment. With an understanding of the lifestyle, you can be more cautious and better aware of the pitfalls, fake dominants, and other dangers lurking about. 

For more information, visit the following links:

Predators are everywhere - Beware

Warning Signs of a Fake Dominant

First Meetings - Cyber to Real Life

Thank you to the followers that submitted questions. I hope they were answered to your satisfaction and that the additional reading links gave you more information. 

If you would like my opinion on any BDSM related subject, send me your question at bdsmunveiled@gmail.com and they will be answered here next Tuesday. 

BDSM Unveiled Presents: Talk To Me Tuesday

Email me any BDSM related question and I will answer it on Tuesdays! Starting this Tuesday!

BDSM Basics for Submissives - Dealing with the Mental and Emotional side of Submission

Introducing a new book from author Michelle Fegatofi!

BDSM Basics for Submissives tackles specific topics that every submissive/slave will deal with at least once in their submissive life. The first installment Dealing with the Mental and Emotional Side of Submission looks deeper into the psychological side of BDSM.

Over the years, I have found a lot of helpless and sometimes clueless submissives that were mentally and emotionally abused by dominants. They each felt like they deserved anything they got and never even questioned the dominants about their behavior. One of the hardest things to learn as a new submissive in the world of BDSM is how to navigate and deal with the whirlwind of mental and emotional stress that can come from being in a D/s or M/s relationship. Many people believe they are not allowed to feel any bad feelings, think bad or wrong thoughts, and always have to be a happy submissive. As humans, we all have to deal with negative feelings and thoughts from time to time, even though we may be submissives. This guide is a tool that will help you understand, analyze, and deal with different types of emotions and mental stresses associated with being a submissive.

Available in eBook format at:

Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Bdsm-Basics-Submissives-Emotional-Submission-ebook/dp/B00NT65UYS/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1412285081&sr=8-2&keywords=michelle+fegatofi

Apple iBooks:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/bdsm-basics-for-submissives/id921971642?mt=11

Barnes and Noble:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bdsm-basics-for-submissives-dealing-with-the-mental-and-emotional-side-of-submission-michelle-fegatofi/1120416544?ean=9781312334168

Kobo:

http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/bdsm-basics-for-submissives-dealing-with-the-mental-and-emotional-side-of-submission

Coming Soon in Paperback!