Losing Yourself in BDSM Submission

Over the past week, I've read several posts on different websites about submissives feeling like they have lost their own sense of self because of the amount of effort, energy, time, and emotions they are investing in their relationship with their Dominant. They feel like they are doing everything for their dominants and not keeping their core selfs intact.

Being a submissive should make you feel positive things, not negative. You should feel loved not alone, found not lost, protected not exposed. Yes, as with any relationship, there will be times that you are in disagreement with your dominant partner and there will be times when you may question your submission. But for the most part, you should want and feel the need to serve your Dominant.

I am fortunate in that I literally spend 24/7 with my Padrone. He takes me everywhere. I go to work with him 6 nights a week and we are usually in the same room together. Now, some might find this stifling or co-dependant behavior, but for us, it's just our normal. There are times when I spend an hour or so in a different room during the day on the rare occasions I'm awake during a time to enjoy a bit of sun. Or, I might take the dogs for a walk but am never gone for more than 30 minutes.

I never feel like I don't have my own identity or that by serving Padrone, with all of the things I do, that I am to caught up in him. He never says anything about what I read or watch on TV. He always encourages me to do what makes me happy and not to stress about things. He has things he enjoys reading and studying on the internet that I have no interest in and I read genres of books that he raises his eyebrows at. But again, we know we are two very different people but we mesh together in a way that is poetic.

For those that are feeling that you have lost your sense of self or own individual identity outside submission, ask yourself why? What is making you feel this way? How long have you felt this? Is it a  bad phase that you are passing through or are there valid reasons? Does your dominant push his point of view onto yours and disregard your feelings? Does your Dom isolate you from family and friends?

You have to sit down and think about your life as a whole, including friends, family, coworkers as well as your dominant. Remember how it was before you met and started submitting to your Dom and how it has changed afterwards.

Pinpoint the differences and write them down. This is what you will need to use to find the balance that you feel you're missing. You have to have balance while submitting to your dominant but also keeping your inner self happy.

My submission and the decision I made to become Padrone's consensual slave didn't change my identity, but just made me feel as if I had finally found my place in life and the one that I was born to be with. My life has changed drastically from before I met him to now, but my core personality, my sense of self has not changed. If you are with the right person, the right partner, they will not try to change your core values and personality.

Did you give up activities that you really enjoy doing after you submitted? Are you not getting enough 'you time'? Even if you feel the pull to give your entire life over to your dominant to direct as they see fit, you and your Dom have to realize that you both have to have some activities that you like to pursue by yourself. You have to have downtime where you are allowed to think about yourself and pursue your own interests without the interference or obligations of submission.

After you evaluate your life, think of changes you would like to make or introduce into your relationship with your dominant. Most dominants will understand and accept the changes because their number one priority is to ensure the happiness and health of their sub.

Being a submissive or slave to a Dominant should be a joyous event and never seen as negative. Even though you may be the submissive in the relationship, you have to remember to communicate openly and honestly to your dominant about your feelings, whether they are good or bad. Dominants are not mind readers, despite how they may come across. Let them know everything you feel and together, you can work towards a solution that will benefit you both.