BDSM Unveiled Talk Tuesday for 25 March 2015

Welcome to BDSM Unveiled's Talk Tuesday! I have been 'WiFi challenged' all week but am all set tonight! The questions I chose for this week are somewhat different from the ones I normally post. But, I think many people new to the Lifestyle wonder about the same things. This week's topics cover "Starting BDSM", "Submissive Limits - who sets them",  and "Swingers".

Question #1) "What kind of stuff (toys clothes ect) do I need to start practicing BDSM?"

None in reality. It depends on what parts of BDSM you want to practice. Do you and your partner want to play with toys, practice bondage? You can use common household items (neckties, stockings, scarves) as blindfolds and binds for arms and legs. If you want to try different things for spanking tools, you can try wooden spoons, spatulas, or hair brushes. You might be surprised if you look around your house as to the things you can use to play sexually. Now, clothes are always optional.

If you want to practice a Dominant/submissive relationship outside the bedroom, you need to establish rules, protocols, and limits with your partner. Whatever you decide, there has to be trust, respect, and open communication between you. Anything you decide to practice should be safe, sane, and most importantly consensual.

For further information read:

S&M on a Budget
Foundations of a D/s Relationship

Question #2) "I'm new to D&S and a submissive. I was reading on your blog about Limits and wondered if it was my place to put limits in place or for my Dominant to put limits in place when I get one? I read that everyone should have limits and there are things I don't want to do. Can you help clear up my confusion?"

You have to set your own limits first. Nobody knows innermost desires, wants, needs and expectations than you. As you grow in your new life as a submissive, you will most likely change some of your limits. Your dominant will have limits that may differ somewhat from yours so he/she will need to maintain their own list. Once you and your dominant have both read, filled in, and then reread your limits list, you will then compare each of them. Make a third list that has one column that is a combined list (ones you both checked off on the worksheet), then two other columns showing your individual lists. This is the list that you can use to base punishments, scenes, and rules about how you want to live your version of the lifestyle on.

I suggest you download my free Limits Worksheet eBook. It will help you think of many things that you might overlook.

For further information read:

Limits in a BDSM Relationship
Free Limits Worksheet eBook


Question #3) "Are all BDSM people swingers?"

No. You will find most BDSM couples are very committed to each other and monogamous. There are an infinite number of BDSM relationships. Some dominants do not share their submissives while others like to hand their subs to different dominants to play with. Some BDSM relationships are a monogomous Poly group (meaning more than 2 people involved) while others may have an Open play policy. All parties involved in any type of BDSM relationship have to know everything and be honest with the other member or members of their group.


For further information read:

The Differences in BDSM Relationships and Then Some...
Swinging, Swapping, Polysexuality, Polyamory-Polyamorus (or Poly) relationships
Polyamory in BDSM

I hope you found the above questions interesting and informative. Make sure you read the suggested posts afterwards to help your understanding of a particular subject grow. If you have any questions you would like to ask me or advise on, send an email to bdsmunveiled @ gmail.com.