To Thine Own Self Be True (Our BDSM Life Style Declaration)

This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. - Shakespeare's Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82

This quote from Shakespeare's play means

To be true to yourself. Live your life for yourself and do not let others try to influence you to do things you don't want to do.

Most of us have two distinctly different sides to our personalities. One side is what we show the world, our outer authentic self. The second is our inner authentic self. The inner self is the one that only those closest to us get to see in depth. Our outer authenticity is how well what we say and do matches what is really going on inside us. Our inner authenticity is how well we actually know ourselves and are aware of our inner states.

No one is fully authentic all of the time in their outer presentation. Sometimes we need to put on an act to get by. Some people spend more time living unauthentically than others. It is unpleasant and can be damaging to you if you are trapped in jobs or relationships where you rarely get the chance to be yourselves. If you are in this type of situation, you need to start thinking of ways to change your life as soon as possible so that you can be free to express yourself authentically.

Surveys show that, on average, people who scored higher on tests for authenticity are more satisfied with life, have higher self-esteem and are generally happier. As Mohandas Gandhi put it so well, ‘happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony’.

Most people living any form of a BDSM lifestyle are usually not out in the open with their lifestyle choice. Many feel they need to hide this part of themselves from their family and friends due to the moralistic views of society. Some of us are fortunate enough to be able to maintain/practice/live, in part or whole, some form of a BDSM relationship out in the open.

In all of my posts, I try to educate and guide my readers in different aspects of BDSM, but do not push them to live or practice it exactly the same way as we do. Below are two lists of what Padrone Marco and I believe in.

Within a BDSM Relationship:

• Respect from both sides of a relationship at all times, during good times and disagreements are a must. 
• Educate yourself on as many different parts of the lifestyle as you can, so you can discover which ones you like. 
• Dominants should help their submissives to grow intellectually, not just in learning and performing their tasks and rules.
• Always be open and honest and never lie to your partner/s.
• Loyalty is a must for a true and lasting BDSM relationship.
• Understanding and flexibility from both sides are needed.
• There has to always be 2 way communication.
• Submissives will and do have the right to anger, sadness, or jealousy. But, do not act blindly on these and talk out any and all problems with your Dominant.
• Emotional support and growth should be nourished always and deeply from both the Dominant and submissive.
• Having and maintaining patience is a must! 
• Talking and discussing problems in a calm manner versus yelling and screaming at each other. 

Globally in the BDSM Community:

• Respect and honesty between others in the BDSM Lifestyle as a community.
• Never judge how others decide to live a BDSM lifestyle by your own standards, because there is no wrong way as long as it's consensual. Even if you don't agree or practice it their way.
• Respecting differing opinions and not causing conflict within our own community.
• Helping other people to grow and understand the BDSM Lifestyle from our own experiences and from the way we live it, but leaving the road open so that others can form their own journey. 
• Standing up for the BDSM community rights to be seen and heard, while fighting the moralistic movement that would put us back in the closet.

We take the above list very seriously and live by them every day. This post is a clarification for all of our readers in an effort to help you understand where our thinking comes from and why we choose to post the things we do. We use this blog to spread the beauty of the BDSM Lifestyle to those that do not know the real meaning of it, to help educate the curious and new people, as well as to promote a more open policy about living a BDSM Lifestyle in the open versus hiding in the closet.

We hope you continue to follow us and the education we hope to spread through our blogs and books by returning and reading us every day. Thank you for your continued support and we hope that our articles and peaks inside our own lives help you broaden your own knowledge of the Lifestyle.

Padrone Marco and Michelle Fegatofi