BDSM & Aging - Can We Still Play?

Aging is a natural process that every human, no matter their lifestyle choice, goes through.
With age comes life experience, but also health issues, hormone changes, and most likely a decreased sex drive. Can you still practice a BDSM lifestyle as you grow older? That answer is yes. You just have to be imaginative and flexible.

As we age, our bodies naturally begin go slow down and change. The affects of aging are different for everyone, of course. If you had sex three times a day at 40, you might only have it once a day at 50 and once a week at 60. It all depends on your own body, health, hormones, and sex drive.

According to a study by the University of Chicago, more than three-quarters of American men and half of women aged 75 to 85 are still interested in sex. But culturally, we don’t see this. Dr. Queen has two theories. “There had been an underlying bias in our culture that sex really is, at bottom, for reproduction. That’s one of the things that continues to power homophobia too. After one is out of one’s reproductive years, the notion of sex becomes unseemly and even unacceptable to many. The other thing, I think, is that there is societal pressure on us to fear aging, and seeing evidence of older people’s sexuality brings up our difficult feelings about getting older, our own body image fears, fears of mortality.”

Aging is different in BDSM Relationships because our sexual play often includes implements which can, if incorrectly or badly used, injure one or both parties. As we age along with our partners in a BDSM Relationship, each of us may have to deal with a disability, or, as I prefer to call them, different abilities.

According to sexologist, Dr. Carol Queen, there are precautions that come with age. “Some sorts of BDSM are the erotic version of high-impact sports, a person of any age must take their health and body resilience into account” she explains “Some things to pay attention to with an older partner, is whether the skin is thinning and how their joints are doing. They’ll want to make sure they can communicate about health issues to partners.”

Hearing Loss

For some people, a crowded and noisy club, where quite often loud music and other kinky players make for difficult conversation anyway, make it very difficult to hear. This is the perfect place to practice non-verbal communication. Talk with her before the scene begins, to set up hand signals or other methods of letting you know that she wants to end the session, or that she needs to run to the bathroom. This will help you ensure you and your partner are on the same level and that there are less chances of something going wrong.

Eyesight Loss

You probably would rather not have a Dominant flicking a single tail whip if he can't see well, but there are other play techniques that can be just as exciting, and much safer! A suggestion is to set up the scene very carefully and to do only BDSM play that is more body-to-body contact, such as over the knee (OTK) spanking with his hand or an implement such as a paddle with a short, manageable handle. This precludes the danger of a whip or other implement striking an area that could cause the bottom (receiver) injury or damage. Aging in a BDSM Relationship can help you be creative about working out the 'kinks' - be creative with your partner.

Muscle and Joint Pain and Flexibility 

Strategically placed pillows are wonderful for achy knees. Changing position often helps keep muscles from freezing into painful, uncomfortable, rock-hard blobs. One of the most wonderful things about being with a partner for a long time, and knowing each other, is communication skills are often developed along the way. Tell your partner, "Uh, this is so not working for me!" and work together to find what does work. The truth is, many of us are happily aging in our BDSM relationships, with our aging partners, and as happily aging women or men, we have aches and pains, and, most of us can't bend in those low scraping bows, with even a modicum of grace anymore.

Bottom line, there are many ways you can still enjoy an active BDSM sexual lifestyle, you just need to make adjustments for your own health limits/situation.

As our collective lifespans continue to increase, that stretch between 65 and 80 is no longer the last phase of life. It’s a new section of life, one  that we've never had before.

Comments or Questions? Let me hear your thoughts! 

BDSM Unveiled Toolbar Now Available

Ever get confused about which social media sites we are on? Well now you can download our custom toolbar and follow us at the click of a button!

Click this picture in the right sidebar or click the link below and follow the simple instructions!

https://s3.amazonaws.com/com.alexa.toolbar/atbp/1OFz9W/download/index.htm

Get connected today!

A True BDSM Love Story - Part 4 and Final Installment

I would like to re-introduce you to a wonderful couple, Master Grimm and Slave Nalani. They are a 24/7 BDSM couple that live the lifestyle while being cross-country truck drivers.

If you have not read the first, second, or third parts of their story, I encourage you to read them before continuing on with this one. This is the last installment of their beautiful story that will be posted here. Stay tuned for the e-book to find out the rest of the story! Enjoy this final post of their truly wonderful story.

One day, I had my worse day ever! Since I found this special Man online, my sleep schedule was all messed up because of the huge time difference. I tried to stay awake as long as possible, drinking coffee like crazy so I could stay in contact with my new Master as long as I could! Every day, I woke up at 6am and went to bed at 2 or 3am in the morning, only to wake up again at 6am, just to make sure I didn’t lose contact with Him. He told me from the beginning that he wanted to wish me sweet dreams and tell me he loved me before I went to sleep. If I didn't tell him that I was going to sleep, I would be punished by Him not talking to me a whole day!

One night I fell asleep like a rock! Passed out! I jerked awake shocked! There it was! The one message from Him I never wanted to get! "This will be your punishment", He wrote. I cried hard that whole day! I wrote Him begging Him for forgiveness. My eyes were swollen I didn't eat because I was so upset! How could I do this to him? I looked at the pictures of him that I had printed out and framed. I looked at FB and no response! I cried so much and was hurting so badly that I punished myself by pouring hot candle wax over my breasts, which caused blisters to form. My mind was empty. I thought that I had lost him, because this was my first punishment and I didn't know how to handle it.

The next day, my breasts were hurting because of the candle wax. It reminded me of what had happened. My mind was back on earth again, and after I had finished housework, I looked on FB and found two messages from Him in my inbox!

I was almost too nervous to open them, but I did. He wrote me that I was forgiven and explained to me how important it was for Him to wish me good night and tell me that he loves me. As a truck driver, it isn't easy out on the road and you never know what is going to happen! He felt sorry for me that I had burned myself with the candle wax and told me that if he could be with me, he would have taken care of it. I cried when I was reading his letter to me. I cried so hard I could barely read it through the tears. I cleaned up my face and calmed down before going back to my laptop and writing him back with " i am sorry Master, please forgive me Master. It won't happen again. It was my fault Master and i deserved Your punishment". Fighting back new tears, I wrote him that I love him and told him how much he means to me! He responded back shortly after I sent the message saying he loves me more and that I am special to him. Everything was back to normal again and we both felt better!

After a few days, we had another conversation about moving to be together. He had told his family about possibly moving to Europe to be with me and most of his family supported his decision. Some family didn’t agree and couldn't support that decision. His friends were excited. Only one of his friends told him that it was just some Internet thing and wasn't real. I was hurt by that because all we wanted was for our fairytale to come true! Master asked me how I felt about going to him in the United States of America. For a moment, I was quiet and he said "Hello? Are you there?" I answered with "Yes Master! I would love that!" I was one happy little slave with a big smile on my face!

So I told him that I would do everything to come to him and he was excited and happy! After all, what did I have to lose? Nothing at all! I didn't have any family. My mom died when I was 16years old. I didn't have contact with my father or bother, so what could hold me there? Nothing in my opinion! He told me to come out in the summer of 2011 and that we would do everything to make this bond we had created stronger and turn it into reality. I could serve him 24/7 as his slave. He would train me and teach me everything! Wow my life turned completely into a different life than how I lived before I found him! It was January 2011. We continued to chat, talk online, text back and forth, phone calls and more! The more we talked, the more excited we got about summertime! We fell more deeply in love with each passing day. There were many spicy phone calls in which he wanted me to call him so he could give me permission to play with myself and so he could tell me "Cum for me slave!" Yes, this Man knows exactly how to handle me as newbie slave.

One day while we talked on yahoo messenger voice, he told me he couldn't handle our distance anymore. That it had become too hard and painful for him. I told that I couldn't handle it much either but we had to try to stay strong. Then he said, "I want you here before my birthday on April 4th." Oh boy, it was only 2 months away I told him. He started laughing and said "You’re good in counting." I said "Yes Master, i will be there before Your Birthday." He was happy!

I had to make everything possible in only two months! So for two straight months, I worked that much harder to save the money together for the airplane ticket and to have extra money with me. In the meantime, I gave all my furniture away to the Goodwill. I was very stressed all the time during those two months, counting my money to make sure I had enough for an airplane ticket. I ate as cheap as I could. I gave up my apartment and everything in Europe. My life had come to an end there! Nobody helped me. I did it all by myself!

I made it! That last night, we had our last online chat. My suitcase was packed and I sat in an empty house counting the hours away till it was my time to close the door behind me and say goodbye to my life in Europe! That last night, Master and I talked and He was excited and a little nervous too. I had my shower, was dressed and ready to go waiting for the taxi to arrive. We ended the call and I told him I would call him as soon I was on the bus that goes to the airport in Brussels, Belgium. It was 5 am in the morning when I arrived at the airport and my flight didn't leave till 11 am. I think I was afraid to be late. I checked in, my suitcase was stowed away and I sat at Gate 43 waiting for my departure time! The flights I had to take were, Brussels to Frankfurt, Frankfurt to Houston, TX and Houston, TX to Ontario, California. This was going to be a very long flight, a total of 23 hours.

slave nalani

Spicing Up Sex While Taking Out the Toys

After a while, even with the kink that goes on in a BDSM relationship, things can become routine.

A spanking is just another spanking, or serving becomes so routine you can do it with out thought. In time, all relationships can get into a rut. Here are some things you might try to spice up your relationship with your Dom or sub partner.

All the Kink, but None of the Thrill

If you are a couple that incorporates some or many BDSM toys in your daily or weekly sex life and you or your partner are not getting the same thrill or zing from it, it may be time to go back to basics. 

Recently, I received an email from a fan that was having trouble achieving an orgasm. She stated that her Dom uses the same toys every session, even if in different orders, and that he uses many different ones. I recommended them going back to basics. 

See, the human body has many pleasure and pain points. There are many toys on the market (bondage, vibrators, clamps, blindfolds, dildos, floggers, paddles, etc...) that do very good jobs at enhancing sexual arousal and pleasure. But, if you use all of the toys mentioned above for every scene or session, after time, depending on the person, it can become routine and your body gets used to them. 

I suggested she set down with her Dominant and discuss this problem. She did and they got rid of all but one toy and decided to change up the toys from scene to scene and to sometimes leave them out all together, using only hands and the ability to obey, as their "tools". I received an email about 3 weeks later and she said that it worked! She had orgasmed every time. 

Back to Basics Suggestions:

If you are used to letting toys do the work of arousing and teasing your sub, then you should learn or re-learn to use your mind, body and voice as your only tools. 

Voice - Use your most dominant sounding voice to command your sub to stay in certain positions (on all fours, flat on back knees raised, arms to the side, standing at attention legs wide apart, etc...). The sound and power that comes from a natural dominant's commands will sink into a sub's mind and stimulate not only her need and wish to submit to whatever you say, but will also activate her sexual desires as well. Remember, the mind is the most sensual sexual organ we possess.

Body - Use your hands to tease the sub's body. Play with her breasts and nipples, touching light to hard. Experiment with lightly touching her with just your fingertips all over her body while she is laying still and commanded not to move. Use your lips to nibble and reign kisses all over her neck, arms, legs, and torso (front and back) while skipping over her clit and nipples. This builds anticipation and will be unexpected. Have her lay on her stomach with legs spread and lay down on top of her, teasing her vagina with your penis without actually inserting it. Play with her. Enjoy the feeling of your skin on hers. Of the differences between the two of you and how wonderful you both feel touching each other. 

Mind - This is your biggest asset, because this is where all the feelings and stimulus that you are doing to her body end up going. Use your imagination. Allow yourself to act out your fantasies with her. Get into her mind, make it sensual and sexy. Make her feel deeply how much you want her by showing her physically and telling her verbally. 

Sometimes we forget how to actually connect with our partners without using toys, bondage, or other stimuli. Even if you aren't having issues because of incorporating too many things, take a step back every now and then and embrace a simpler but very sexy and sensual form of sex. 

Love Can Do Wonders!

Many of you have heard me speak of how much better I have been with my epilepsy, mental and physical health, and overall well being since I have been with my Padrone.

Padrone Marco Fegatofi

Sunday we are celebrating our 2nd anniversary and thought it would be a great idea to look back. I don't even look like the same person I was over 2.5 years ago!

Love and complete submission can do wonders.

Don't Fall Into the Numbers Trap!

Recently I was diagnosed with a very bad case of acid reflux called Gerd.

I found out that the worst of it could be controlled by changing what and how I eat. I looked at it as a lifestyle change, not a diet. To me, diet is another word for "get skinny" and that was not my goal. My goal was, and is, to eat but not be sick or have that nasty burning feeling all the time.

So, I went back to my longer walks and this new way of eating. I can't have fried foods, chocolate, most stuff with tomato in it, most juices, anything with caffeine (coffee, tea, soda) and much more. To keep the acid from not working, I have to eat small meals around the clock when I am awake. If I eat too much I get the reflux. If I don't always have a little something in my stomach, I get reflux. Get the picture?

I write and try to teach women to love themselves as they are, no matter what their size or how much they weigh. As long as you are healthy and feel good, don't let society dictate your happiness or give you a complex about your body.

So, in the first two weeks I lost 4 pounds just because of the different eating patterns and the extra long walks. That's when I fell into the numbers trap!

I started thinking, "If I could lose 10 pounds, I would look so much better" and "If I can continue to lose 2 or more pounds a week I will be even better". I have been so busy with the new book, websites, and my overall life and slave duties to Padrone that I didn't even realize my brain had started creeping back into that old way of thinking.

The Bare Me - No makeup or touch ups

That old way of thinking wasn't good for me. It made me always doubt myself and how beautiful and good I look just as I am. It broke my confidence and almost broke me. My Padrone Marco slowly broke me of that and helped me learn and gain confidence in my own body to know I'm fine exactly as I am.

So, tonight was the night I had picked to weigh myself to see if I had in fact lost more weight. I felt my clothes fitting differently since I had been walking more, so doesn't that mean I should have lost weight? NOT! It turns out I have not lost any new weight, but in fact gained 1 pound back. It's not a lot, I know. But, if you have fallen in the numbers trap then it is a huge deal to you! I almost freaked! I got off the scale and was really getting pissed at myself.

Right then Padrone's training kicked in. That's when I remembered. I remembered how much Padrone makes me feel wanted. I remembered how good I think I looked in my clothes just the night before. I remember how much I actually like my curvy, hourglass shape. I thought to myself then and there "What the heck am I doing?!"

I had let myself fall back into that old way of thinking and look at what it almost did to me! I vowed I would never go back to that self-pitying place again, nor would I ever think I am anything less that fabulous! Because, you know what, there is only one me so that means I am perfect in my own skin, just as I am.

Yes, I will continue to eat the new way because it has almost completely wiped out the reflux, and boy does hurt like hell and burn when it acts up! I will also keep up my walks because my dog and I both enjoy them. But, I will not get on the scale, nor will I worry about how much I actually weigh.

You might ask why I shared this? It's because I hope none of you fall victim to the numbers game or back into that black, endless hole of self-doubt about your body. If you have, STOP IT!

If you have body image issues, I ask you to go and read my previous articles on ways to help you learn to love your body as it is, no matter if you are a size 2, 12, or 22.

All women are beautiful. Remember that.

Censorship and the Internet

The recent attack of adult content on social media sites and the internet reminded me of certain periods in human history where society attacks things that scare them, they don't agree with, or simply don't understand.
If we take a look back through out recorded history, you can see a pattern where the majority in society, condemned, hunted, imprisoned and/or slaughtered groups of minorities whose beliefs called into question the moralistic ideals of the time.

With the recent attacks on the BDSM and Adult content pages on Facebook, Google and now Tumblr, it seems like a new Moralistic movement is taking shape. Is it the religious groups that deem Adult Content and BDSM as immoral? Is it the feminist groups that do not like pictures or descriptions of women in submission? Or is it society that does't understand the real deep meaning of a BDSM relationship and is therefore scared of it because it is so different from the way the majority of Western society was raised?

Since 2009, Google has been celebrated for publishing transparency reports on government requests to take information offline. Each time a government official asks for a search result to be blocked or a YouTube video to be removed, Google marks down the request and discloses the number of such take downs each nation has asked for every six months or so. In many majority-Muslim countries requests for censorship remained relatively rare until the latter half of 2012, when YouTube take down requests citing "religious offenses" spiked.

I and most people that I know, can agree that pictures of abused women and children should definitely be banned if they are posted. But, when governments start talking about banning all Adult Content sites, that is where they cross the line on Freedom of Speech. 

I get many comments and messages on various sites I administer accross the internet from people that say things such as "you are a sick person" or "only perverts look at this". I get others that say "you are going to hell" and so forth. You get the picture. 

One of the foundations of being a Christian is to "judge not lest ye be judged" meaning Don't judge others unless you are prepared to be judged also. So, I throw this out to all of you that call yourselves "good Christians"; how can you sit in judgment of a lifestyle that adults consent to live or practice while hurting no one and still say you are a Christian when you are going against one of the vary principals you are supposed to follow? It's hypocritical.

In the UK, authorities are introducing pornography filters switched on by default to home broadband subscribers by the end of the year. This new legislation is being headed up by none other than Prime Minister David Cameron. No other EU countries are currently introducing any such laws. 

Under current law, Internet Service Providers are obliged to freely provide access to all content unless it is illegal. Most EU countries state it is misdirected and ultimately ineffective to try to tackle this issue through the internet infrastructure providers. Parents should be the ones censoring what their children are allowed to view. 

The latest victim to fall to the new moralistic movement is Twitter. After pressure from the UK government and their Anti-Porn campaign, they will now be adding a "report abuse" button. Twitter UK said it was adding staff to help handle abuse reports. It also said an in-tweet "report abuse" button currently available on the Twitter app for iPhones would be added to the Twitter website and to platforms used on other mobile devices.

If any of you admin pages or groups on FB or Google+, you already know this button is going to be abused because every moralistic vanilla person is going to be using it against anything they don't like. 

So, are you going to stand by and take whatever the Moralists decide and allow your freedom to view whatever you want be taken away or are you going to do something about it? It's up to you people! Let your voices be heard just as loud as those that would censor our lifestyle and our freedoms!

You Saved Me by Michelle Fegatofi

My second anniversary of being with Padrone Marco Fegatofi is coming up in 9 days and inspired me to write this new poem.
Hope you enjoy!