Have You Ever Google'd Yourself?

So, I found out the other day my blog is #3 on a list of sites that are all BDSM related on http://www.ranker.com/list/bdsm-social-networks/dot-commander.

I had no clue. I decided to Google my name to see where else my book or blog might be and found out I'm mentioned on some very interesting sites that I never knew about until now.

My book is mentioned in an online encyclopedia under a section called Relevant Books on:
http://www.isnare.com/encyclopedia/Risk-aware_consensual_kink
http://www.isnare.com/encyclopedia/Dominant_(BDSM)
http://www.isnare.com/encyclopedia/Subspace_(BDSM)
http://www.isnare.com/encyclopedia/Switch_(BDSM)

Apparently, my book is being sold on many more sites, other than the ones I already knew carried it:

http://www.amazon.com/Bdsm-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101
http://www.amazon.ca/BDSM-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bdsm-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101
http://www.amazon.de/Bdsm-Basics-Beginners-Dominants-Submissives/dp/1300837101
http://www.lulu.com/shop/michelle-fegatofi/bdsm-basics-for-beginners-a-guide-for-dominants-and-submissives-starting-to-explore-the-lifestyle/ebook/product-20919719.html
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bdsm-basics-for-beginners-a-guide-for-dominants-and-submissives-starting-to-explore-the-lifestyle-michelle-fegatofi/1115085227?ean=9781300838609
https://itunes.apple.com/ca/book/bdsm-basics-for-beginners/id627641268?mt=11
http://www.tower.com/tower_search/search_2.cfm?keywords=Michelle%20Fegatofi&div_id=1
http://www.bokus.com/cgi-bin/product_search.cgi?authors=Michelle%20Fegatofi
http://www.redpepperbooks.co.za/QuickSearch.aspx?Author=Michelle%20Fegatofi
http://www.bookrenter.com/michelle-fegatofi/textbooks-by
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17667099-bdsm-basics-for-beginners---a-guide-for-dominants-and-submissives-starti
http://www.redconceptual.com/submissive/en
http://www.shopwahl.at/a/produktliste/idx/3030100/mot/Bdsm/produktliste.htm
http://www.shopwahl.de/a/produktliste/idx/3030100/mot/Bdsm/produktliste.htm

I also found my blog and articles I have written on many different sites around the world. Some of the sites reposted the articles in their original format. Others hacked them and posted only bits and pieces. That I don't like, but what can I do? At least they didn't steal them outright and try to pass them off for their own. 

It was an eye opener! So, take the time and see where you might come up if you google your own name!

A True Love Story - Part 3

I would like to re-introduce you to a wonderful couple, Master Grimm and Slave Nalani. They are a 24/7 BDSM couple that live the lifestyle while being cross-country truck drivers. If you have not read the first part or second part of their story, I encourage you to read them before continuing on with this one. Enjoy this third installment of their truly wonderful story. 

Slave Nalani & Master Grimm

After I had my first phone call with the Man I didn't know, had only seen a picture of, and to whom I said for the first-time "Hello Master", I was so happy my stomach felt different that night! It was already late at night so I couldn't get back online to send Him a message to tell Him how much I appreciated our first voice contact. So I texted Him from my cellphone! 

The next day, I went to the store and reloaded my cellphone and tried to connect to Facebook to see if that was working. It did and I was so happy that I was able to keep in contact with Him. Shortly afterwards, I got a cheap laptop that almost felt apart, so I could stay in the comfort of my own house and remain in contact with Him. Why I felt so close to Him, needing to have contact with Him, I still needed to figure out because I didn't know Him at all.

I kept in contact with Him through my cell phone while waiting for my own internet to be hooked up. Our conversations became longer and we also sent many messages back and forth online. We talked about everything; about myself, about Him and answered questions about what we both needed and was looking for. I felt like a little girl who had fallen in love with her first boyfriend.

Since that day, December 6, 2010, everything changed inside my head! My time schedule was all messed up because there was a 9 hours’ time difference between Europe and America. Did I mention I barely got any sleep? Just to watch Him posting something on His wall, and of course, to write Him as much as possible kept me awake!

Almost every day, I bought an overseas calling card to be able to call Him. The longer I could hear His strong voice, the bigger my happiness became! We laughed a lot too though, but we also had serious conversations about life, love, and the BDSM Lifestyle. He explained to me how He wanted to live the Lifestyle again because He missed it very much. He had been hurt too much before, so He was very cautious allowing somebody else back into His life!

I totally understood what He was talking about and how it felt to be hurt over and over again, so I told Him that I hope to make His pain softer even though we had only phone and online contact! I installed Yahoo messenger so we could have video voice contact, but my stupid cheap laptop didn't have a camera on it, so we stayed with only voice calls. They worked perfectly and we talked for many straight hours!

When He stopped working and parked, He always pulled out His laptop so He could make His voice calls to me. My laptop never closed down unless I was outside the house working. It was all so very new to me but exciting at the same time! He always made time for me to text and to let me call Him if He wasn't on His laptop. At times, it was hard for Him to contact me because He is a truck driver and would have low or no signal. When I didn't hear Him, I was sad and tears would run over my face. I wrote Him messages to His inbox to make myself feel better and more peaceful. The next time He could see them, He had a bunch of reading to do! Yea, I kept Him busy with my writing, but He loved it!

As the days passed by, our conversations increasingly became about the future, our future, because we had built up such a strong connection together. We started thinking about being with each other in real life. I remember I told Him a few times "I will start walking now so I can meet you" or "I will take a bicycle then I will be there shortly". Then He would say “How about the ocean?" Gosh I started laughing hard while I was trying to answer to answer His question with “oh I can swim it!" This Man was and still is so funny, He cracks me up often.

He asked me how it was in Europe and how things were going. I explained to Him that it was pretty cool and easy, and then He said "How about me moving out there to be with you?" For a second I was quiet, shocked, happy, excited, and thinking “Does He really mean this?” So I asked Him, what about your family, your friends, your work? I said that it would be amazingly awesome! I have internet now at home so you can keep in contact with everyone. But how are you going to do this? He answered back "I am old enough to do what I want, friends I don't really have and my family will understand". All I could say was are you serious? Do you really mean this? “Yes” He said, “I want to be happy with you and I will do anything it takes to be together with you." Oh I felt so happy, my whole world turned into a beautiful colorful flower bouquet! That this Man that I just know for less than a month, which I found online, is telling me that He would do anything to be with me!

He waited a little to tell His family because this whole situation was new for Him as well. He needed to get used to the idea, plus His other relationships had never worked out for Him. He was married twice before and both times, He ended up very hurt and disrespected! He had some girlfriends who didn't treat Him right and used Him. In His first lifestyle experience, He had 3 slaves and again, He ended up being disrespected. His last slave couldn't give Him what He wanted or needed! So yes, I totally understood why He needed to get used to the idea. He needed to feel inside His heart that I would never hurt Him! At that time, He was 46 years old and all he wanted was to be a happy peaceful Dominant who could live His life how He wanted and needed. I was submissive girl that wanted a Real Man, a Dominant, a Master with whom I could live with the way He wanted, full of love and peace in both our hearts and not ending up hurt again! Sounds understandable right? To us it did!

Tumblr Has New Adult Content Rules

I tried logging into my tumblr account michellefegatofi.tumblr.com today and it was gone.

I sent an email to their help desk and they said it was deleted because I used an affiliate's tag and was now considered a spammer. So, apparently, using the same hashtag is a no no. Lesson learned.

I decided to open a new account and rebuild my followers. When I was adjusting the settings, I got a big surprise! The now-Yahoo-owned blogging network made a significant change to the way adult-themed blogs could be discovered on the site, which even further hid their content from public consumption. 

One of the best things about Tumblr was that if you knew how to utilize hashtags properly, you could get your name, business, or internet site indexed on the web much faster and acquire many more followers faster. Now with their new settings, only followers can search your content. Adult themed blogs will not be searchable within Tumblr or on the net. So, now I am on the fence if I even want to bother with populating the new account. 

Despite promising users that it "wouldn't police porn," Tumblr has already made changes to the way adult or NSFW content shows up within its network. Although Tumblr won't actively police content and ban users from uploading nude or NSFW photos, the company has made some significant adjustments to how users can discover and view that content.

It makes sense that Tumblr may not want to index NSFW content — especially if the company wants to sell ads on more content — but rather than putting up faux walls for discovery or denying access to certain terms in mobile apps, the company should create an explicit opt-in setting that allows users to decide if they want to see potentially adult or NSFW content in search. Turn it off by default if you want. This wouldn't be unlike how Google allows users to omit NSFW or adult content from their settings.

If Tumblr isn't careful about how it handles the community response to its new policies, it could backfire.

What do you think of Tumblr's new policies? Are you outraged or is this much ado about nothing? Let us know in the comments.

Courage on the Journey through BDSM

In life we choose to walk different paths.
We might make a decision that takes us in a direction we never expected or we might make a wrong choice that leads us to a life we never wanted. But, you have to have the courage to choose a path, to make a choice. In life, it can be very scary to choose a path you've never walked before, do things that you've never done before, because you don't know the outcome. That is one of the things that makes life so wonderful to live. You never know what is around the next corner.

The journey into BDSM is very similar. There are many different styles, different forms and levels of submission, and different ways you can be dominate. One of the best things of this lifestyle is that it is ever-evolving. It's your own journey; one that you have to forge on your own or in conjunction with your partner. Once you have the basic knowledge, the possibilities are endless.

My blog, bdsmunveiled.com and many others similar to it, can guide you in different forms of the Lifestyle and inform you of how we, the writers of the blogs, live the lifestyle ourselves. We can educate you on types of play, different dynamics in relationships, toys, protocols, and many other subjects related to BDSM. It is ultimately up to the Dominate and submissive/slave to decide the dynamics, boundaries, rules and regulations of their own relationship.

The one thing you have to remember is you cannot be afraid of change. As with most things in life, relationships in BDSM can change and evolve, and hopefully yours will also. The more you learn and explore, the closer you will become to your partner and the further into submission you can get.

Some of the changes a person can go though from a loving BDSM M/s or D/s relationship is amazing. Readers have sent emails to me telling me about their own illnesses that have gotten better from living a 24/7 BDSM relationship. My own epilepsy has gotten much better over the past two years that I have been a 24/7 slave. With the right combination of rules, guidelines, and structure, it has allowed me to focus on my writing as well as to be delve deep into submission to my Padrone.

My own relationship with Padrone is ever evolving also. The longer we are together, we have grown closer. We have learned more about each other, our strengths and weaknesses, likes, morals, etc. which has allowed our own M/s relationship to deepen to a profound level.

There are items in every relationship that are steady and constant, but there are other items that are either additions or changes, such as rules, guidelines, or daily tasks around the house. The one constant that never changes and is a foundation is the trust, the love and the two way communication that we always have with each other. Those are completely 100 percent essential for any BDSM relationship to work.

So, what is the point to all this you may ask? My point is this. Be cautious in your journey, gather as much knowledge as you can, but be open to new and evolving experiences. you honestly never know what's around the next corner.

Do You Believe in D/s Soulmates?

Do you believe in the concept of soulmates?
And if you do, how do you think this concept would differ in a true BDSM or D/s relationship? I have always pondered the concept of soulmates but never really believed it until I found my own in my Padrone Marco Fegatofi.

A soulmate is a person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet; a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them. When you are not around them, you are all that much more aware of the harshness of life, and how bonding with another person in this way is the most significant and satisfying thing you will experience in your lifetime. You are also that much more aware of the beauty in life, because you have been given a great gift and will always be thankful for.

In a normal relationship, we have all seen or known at least one couple that has this kind of connection, or something close. We look on in wonderment at how connected and truly in love that couple is.

In a normal BDSM love relationship, there is always a deeper connection than those in a normal vanilla relationship, simply because of the core principles of BDSM - complete honesty, open communication, and 100% trust. Yes, everyone in any type of relationship should adhere to these principals, but, judging from my own experiences, we in the BDSM community tend to stick to these a lot more than those in the vanilla world.

When you add in the concept of a Dominant or submissive soulmate, how does this deepen the bond of a normal BDSM relationship? I think it adds a much deeper understanding, love, and truer sense of safety and freedom for the submissive.

Now you are asking, how is this possible and what exactly do I mean? Speaking from my own experience, as a submissive slave, when I first met and started talking to Padrone, there was something that drew me to him. His words made me feel as though I were very special in some way. The longer we talked, the more we found out that we have almost the exact same thoughts on philosophy, community, world matters, relationships, and many other things.

Our personalities are the perfect opposite of the other. His strengths are my weaknesses and my strengths are his. His style of Dominance is exactly what I need. He gives me the freedom to be myself completely, without worries about being weak, sick, or weird. His protection, rules, and guidelines give me a sense of safety that I have never had, and in that, I have found a freedom that is almost indescribable.

Our style of M/s is more subtle, softer in many ways than what a lot of other people practice, but it is perfect for us. He allows me freedoms that he knows I need, while at the same time giving me guidelines to follow in every single facet of my life.

He is strong in mind and principals and protects me like I am the most precious jewel on this earth. He allows me to submit to him in every way possible, while also allowing me to voice my opinions on things when I want to.

How is this different from a normal deep M/s connection? We are so deeply connected, he can feel my epilepsy acting up most of the time before I tell him something is wrong. He feels when I need to eat something to level off my sugar levels. He knows when I need him to just hold me tight or when I need some space for whatever reason.

I can anticipate his needs and wants without asking in things like getting him a cigarette before he grabs them, massaging him before he asks me, making him something to eat, and many other things.

Often when he is at work, I will feel he needs to hear my voice if he has had a bad day or is missing me, or he will know right before I call that I am about to call. He knows when I need him to be stricter as a Dominant or softer as the love of my life. He feels when I need a spanking or need him to be a little rougher to satisfy some caveman feeling I am having.

Before Padrone, I believed in love, but always had a feeling that there should be something else or something more too it. I always felt like something was missing and that I was searching for that something extra. Since meeting and living with Padrone, I feel complete. I don't feel like there is some mysterious thing I am missing out on. I feel like I have found the best and most beautifully complete life that I can live.

So, did I change your mind about soulmates? Share your thoughts and your own stories with me!

Reestablishing Your Happy Submissive Mood

Think about when you are happiest.
Is it when you are in submissive situations? Serving your Dominant? Do you get grumpy or feel out of sorts when life or other outside forces disturb your well established, submissive routines? What happens if many things hit you all at once and totally screw up the nice little world you and your Dominant have worked so hard to establish and maintain?

As many of you know, if you read me on a pretty regular basis, I am pretty much a happy person all the time. Yes, of course I have days or times I am not as happy as others, but as a whole I do see a world full of rainbows. The main reason is due to the wonderful, happy bubble my Padrone Marco Fegatofi keeps me in all the time. He knows that I am most happy when I am serving him, following his instructions, working on our internet pages, etc. He always tries to keep any negativity, stress, drama, and other bad things away from me and deals with them by himself. He has done an extremely good job over the past two years we have lived together.

But every now and then, my happy bubble gets a leak! In the course of a week, too many negatives hit me all at once. So, now that a couple of weeks have passed, I have to look into my inner self and try to re-balance my inner submissive and reestablish my happy bubble.

First, to make it clear, my submissiveness to Padrone has never waned. My inner happy balance has taken several hits though. I don't deal with stress well and if bad news comes in different ways all at once, well, I have seizures. That's my body's way of dealing with it because of my epilepsy. Now that the worst of the negative things have passed, how do I get my happy bubble back and sealed once again?

• I remind myself of how lucky I am to be with the man and Master of my dreams. 
• I remind myself that the negatives are past so now it is time to forget them and move on. 
• I asked Padrone for more attention and snuggle time. That always helps me come back into balance whenever it gets out of whack. 
• I write about my experience in hopes that it will help others that may go through similar hard times. Writing and helping others always make me feel good. 

Now, if you have something that happens in your own life that disrupts your wonderful little submissive world, what can you do to help yourself?

• First, make sure your connection with your Dominant is solid and lean on him/her. 
• Second, do more of the things that make you happy (Submissive tasks, writing, cooking, family time, Dominant attention time, etc). Make sure whatever it is that makes your world a happy place normally, is being done on a daily basis if you can. 
• Third, take time every day to remind yourself of what you have to be grateful for and happy about. 
• Forth, try to let the negative feelings go. This is the hardest thing for me. But after bad events are over and done with, it does your body and mind no good to dwell on them. Look to the future. 
• Fifth, think of your happy place! My personal happy place is when I am in Padrone's arms. That is my shelter and when I feel the best. Is yours when you are on your knees beside your Dominant? Buried under a special blanket? Whatever it is, always keep that image and the awesome feelings close to your heart and in your head so you can think of it when you are down or sad. 

I don't know if these techniques will help you reestablish your own happy balance, but I hope they help. 

A True Life BDSM Love Story - Part 2

I would like to re-introduce you to a wonderful couple, Master Grimm and Slave Nalani. They are a 24/7 BDSM couple that live the lifestyle while being cross-country truck drivers. If you have not read the first part of their story, I encourage you to read that first before continuing on with this one. Enjoy this next installment of their truly wonderful story.

Slave Nalani and Master Grimm

One day I was sitting on the couch watching TV. It was December 5th, 2010. I remember it like it was yesterday. I wasn't paying attention to the TV, because my mind was far away. Suddenly, I stood up and put my jacket on and walked outside to the internet cafe. I didn't have internet at that time in my house. So I went online checking out different pages and Facebook. With so many options online, I narrowed the choices down some by typing in BDSM and a whole list with pages popped up!

I sat back looking at the whole list, not knowing what to do. Which page do I click first? I was so excited and clicked on that only said "BDSM". The page had a conversation about "Switches” and I read the whole post, looking through all the comments that were given. There were many answers that I didn't understand at all! There was one little profile picture that popped out to me, personally, out of all the comments from over thirty different people. Something about this picture was "Wow" to me!

I clicked on the name attached to the picture after I saw that He was a Dominant. As I looked at the picture, my heart started beating faster, my blood was running through my veins, my soul, my head, my body all were alive just from the sight before me. I thought “My god what a special Man this is!” I knew He wasn't from Europe and lived in the USA. He was a little older than me, but I didn't care.

I sat down and thought now what? I clicked on messages. Should I or should I not? "Oh crazy girl just do it" I thought to myself. Nervously, I wrote him a nice friendly message asking how he was doing. I figured it's not going to hurt anyone right? I clicked on send and there it went, to the person I didn't know! I went back to that page and like some other posts and browsed more internet pages also before logging out.

The next day, after my house cleaning was finished, his picture popped in my head again. I went back to the same internet cafe, logged on Facebook and discovered a message from the man I had only seen in a little profile picture. I opened the message and read what he had written, wishing me a good day and saying He didn't know me! Lol, that's right, He didn't know me! I wrote Him back explaining a little about how I found His profile and mentioned the conversation I had read in which he had commented on. I also asked if He was a Master. I clicked send, logged out and went back home to cook.

Later that night, I went back online and another message from Him was waiting for me. He said that He is a Master and into the BDSM Lifestyle. We became friends and had many conversations back and forth via email. After long back and forth messages to each other, He told me "You only have to ask".

Without any thinking or hesitation, I asked Him "Will You be my Master?" He said yes and I have been his slave ever since. Oh my goodness, the feeling I had was getting harder and stronger. I couldn't hold it back anymore! Strange isn't it, that a person you don't know can inspire such strong and deep feelings? To me it is!

We exchanged phone numbers and I went right then to buy an overseas card to make my first phone call to Him. How am I going to do this? I am Dutch and now I need to speak English. I went home, sat down on the couch, and dialed His phone number. My nerves were shaking, my heart was beating fast, and I said "Hello Master" with big smile on my face!

Our journey into a BDSM relationship deepens and starts from our first voice conversation! Stay tuned for the 3rd post in about 2 weeks!