Like the Seasons change, Spring into Summer, Summer into Fall, Fall into Winter, so can an online BDSM relationship.
Many online relationships mimic the seasons, if you think about it, and in a relatively short time. You get all nice and warm when you first meet and get to talking to a Dom/sub (spring into summer). Things heat up very fast and you start to sizzle, get all tingly and hot when you talk, play, cyber, whatever (Summer).
But then after a while, one of you changes. Real Life commitments creep in to take more time away from your already limited time. One of you gets distracted by other people online or you simply don't feel that spark, that heat, as you once did (Summer into Fall). Doubts, frustrations, anger creep in. Mistrust and lies start coming into the relationship.
Avoidance of one to the other often ensues soon after. During this period (Fall to winter), before a couple has a complete breakdown and separation, both tend to get bombarded by loads of negative feelings.
After separation (Winter), you tend to feel alone, mad at all the world, hurt, disappointed, angry, and really thinking to yourself if the BDSM lifestyle is really
something you want to pursue.
You see, to many, Cyber BDSM is not just an online fantasy world. These people put their hearts into it. They connect on a deep level with their minds and at a very fast rate with their other half (Dom or sub). They don't take the time to talk about anything else usually but gossip around the web or sexual experiences. But, when one starts wanting to expand the relationship and the other is not on the same wave length, chaos and hurt will always follow.
I say don't give up on the BDSM Lifestyle just because you might have gone through many different Doms/subs or potential Doms/subs. Re-evaluate your stance, approach and position to the entire Cyber BDSM community. If you honestly want and are looking for something more, something more meaningful than just a fantasy, make sure you are very clear in your intentions when you engage, talk and start getting deeper into a friendship, possible relationship with the other person.
We are not psychic. None of us ever truly knows what the other is thinking, especially when it comes to online persona's. Trust your instincts about that person and be open and honest about your expectations. Tell the other one if you want only just online fantasy play or something a little more real, but online based.
Who knows? If the connection becomes strong enough, you might both decide that you want to be together in real life and then move in together. You never know. But the number one rule, is to be open and honest about your wants, needs and expectations, not only through out the relationship, but from the very beginning.
Because once trust is broken or someone is caught lying, who knows if the relationship can survive that, especially a BDSM one.
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