BDSMUnveiled Has a New Home!

Hello to all of our followers! We are happy and very proud to announce that we're in the process of moving all of our older posts over to our new website www.michellefegatofi.org .  I have to mention up front that it's totally free! I will never ask that you pay for a membership to read my blogs.

This past year has been a literal life transformation for both Padrone and I. We have had many health scares and decided to change our diet and exercise regimen. We concentrated mainly on our health and our dynamic this year and kind of lost touch with our online followers. We've both lost a lot of weight and are much healthier now.

After much thought, we decided that it would be better to combine all of my blogs into one space to make it easier for people to reach and maybe even discover something new to learn about.

Our new site will have all of our BDSM posts (as well as new ones coming soon), but it also my posts on my journey to living a healthier lifestyle, my battles with epilepsy, and a column that I've called 'Life in General'.

While it is up and running and there are many posts that from both of my blogs that have been ported over, I still have a lot of work to do so please be patient! In the meantime, why not go and have a look around?

I encourage you to subscribe at the bottom of the page so that you will get updates directly when I post a new blog.

Here's a direct link to the BDSMUnveiled Section:

https://www.michellefegatofi.org/home/categories/bdsm-lifestyle-nsfw

Thank you for your continued support and we hope to see you on our new site!

Spotting a Catfish in the Lifestyle

If you’ve been on the internet for any about of time, you have probably heard the term ‘Catfishing”. This term was coined in 2012 and describes people who create fake internet profiles for the purpose of deceiving others out of money, property, or just to create drama. 

Now, while several people may have a fake Social Media account, that doesn’t automatically mean they are catfishing. In the online community of BDSM, especially since the rise and popularization of the Lifestyle by the 50 Shades Trilogy, many people are joining just to try and take advantage of unsuspecting and unknowledgeable newbies. I have had many messages asking me to address this specifically. Here are my tips in spotting fake accounts that are probably catfishing.

If you are new to the Lifestyle, please read as much as you can from many different online resources so you can gain a broad knowledge base. This is the first step that will help protect yourself from fake dominants or submissives. 

If you accept friend requests from all strangers, don’t give them any personal information. Start a general conversation with them, just as you would any vanilla friend. If the person immediately makes demands of submission or wants to be called by a specific title, you should unfriend and block them immediately. No real practitioner of BDSM will act this way, online or in real life, especially with a new contact.

Many men have sent me messages asking if it is normal to have to pay a ‘tribute’ to an online Dominatrix before you even get to send them a message, let alone a friend request. Apparently, this is the practice of many young females online that are presenting themselves as Female Dominants or Dommes. In my opinion, they are frauds or sex workers. While there’s nothing wrong with being a sex worker, a genuine Lifestyle Dominatrix will never demand money or gifts before they even talk to you. This is just another way that people have found to monetized BDSM. If someone refuses to talk to you for free, block them and run! 

Let’s now move forward a little bit. Say that the Dom or sub you friended has so far passed all the initial scrutiny. You are wanting to try to move from a friendship to an online D/s or M/s relationship. Ask to exchange vanilla based pictures. After some more time passes, they should be ready to video chat. If they always have some excuse or reason they can’t, they are probably catfishing! Either they are not the person in the pictures you exchanged or they are hiding something in their real life. A person interested in pursuing a real relationship, even if it’s just online, will find the time and a way to video chat with you. 

These are just a few of the obvious things to be on the lookout for when getting involved with someone on the internet. I met my Padrone (Master) on Facebook 8 years ago and have been living with him for 7 years now. So, while it can be difficult to find and become serious with someone you met on a social media site, it is entirely possible! 

If you have any comments or suggestions, please leave them below!

Back from Our Hiatus! New Lifestyle Posts Coming Soon!

Hello everyone!

I know I haven’t been posting much this year but I have a very good reason. In January, I was having many health issues that needed to be addressed. Many of them were caused by my complete lack of exercise and the types of foods I was eating. Being sick so often was also affecting my ability to perform my submissive/slave duties. I decided that I didn't want to be that way so started on a personal journey to get healthier and it's turned into a Life Transformation.

I went from 92 kilos (203 pounds) to weighing 71.7 kilos (158 pounds). Most of my recurring health issues have vanished and I feel so much better. Since I am now 45, I also wanted to do what I can starting now to try to ensure a healthy and active lifestyle for the rest of my life, as much as possible anyway.

In March, my Padrone was rushed to the hospital and had to stay for 8 days while being diagnosed with multiple health problems of his own. He had to stop smoking cold turkey (after over 40 years of smoking), completely change his diet, start exercising, lose weight  and start taking a lot of medicine, of which he will most likely never be able to get off of.

One thing he was diagnosed with was Type 2 Diabetes. He has to take 3 pills a day to help control his high blood sugar. This pills have made his sense of taste turn very strange. Food he liked before the medicine, he can't stand to eat now. And food he may like one day, may taste very strange to him the next. So, this is another of the ongoing struggles that have put stress on us and we deal with together every day.

I have not been that active in the Lifestyle groups as I was the past years because we have been focusing on our health. Now we are at a place where we can continue on our health journey but also return our focus back to our BDSM Lifestyle.

You may or may not have noticed but Facebook has been getting more and more strict with their rules and taking BDSM related pages down for stupid reasons, even for pictures that absolutely do not violate their rules. This year alone, I have had many of my admin accounts put in FB jail as well as my 2 largest pages completely unpublished and deleted. Every time this happens, I have to start over from scratch! I still have a few pages left so I hope that you go and like and follow them to show FB that we won't be silenced, no matter how many times they try to.

My goal for the rest of this year as far as the Lifestyle is concerned is to start writing more blogs on topics that not many people actually touch on across the internet.

If you have any questions that you would like to see my answer to, please write me at bdsmunveiled@gmail.com. I will try to answer them as best and fast as I can. And don't worry, anonymity is guaranteed.

Thank you for those of you that have continued to stay followers of the blog! We appreciate you so much for your loyalty and for not giving up on us.

Stay tuned for new and exiting things to come!

BDSM Relationships: Understanding Reality versus Fantasy

If you have come to this blog, chances are that you have already started exploring the world of BDSM. Whether you are a Dominant or sub, Master or slave, Top or bottom, do your research and build your base knowledge before getting involved in any dynamic for the first time. This could honestly be the difference in sparing yourself mental and/or emotional trauma.

Now, most of the time as I’m writing these posts, I assume that my readers are complete novices and have not been in a real life BDSM dynamic or relationship. The reason for this is because I get so many questions asking things that are obvious signs of abuse or a fake dominant. I’ve written a few blogs on how to spot an abusive person trying to pass for a Dominant, especially in the online world. While every couple practices their own individualized version of the Lifestyle, basic rules and common sense still apply.

In many fantasy erotica books and movies, a female discovers that she likes being told what to do by a powerful male. Then she gets punished for some small thing she does wrong and decides she likes pain with her pleasure and the plot goes from there. While this scenario might make for a good read or movie, it is not the norm in real life. That’s what today’s blog is about: understanding the Reality of a BDSM relationship versus the Fantasy.

I’ve been in and out of the Lifestyle for over 27 years now, both online and in real life. I’ve lived as a submissive and a slave. While some dynamics may practice a high protocol situation more than others, I don’t spend all of my time on my knees waiting for Padrone to direct every tiny aspect of my life. First of all, neither of us have the patience for that. Secondly, life. Life always has to be lived. Jobs, appointments, friends, family, and whatever other obligations will always need to be tended to.

Padrone Marco is my Master. I am his slave. That is how we define our roles in our dynamic. While Padrone always has the final say in all decisions, he trusts me to act autonomously on his behalf and follow the rules he set up for us when we first became a couple. In the movies and books, most submissives get an allowance and a list to follow any time they go shopping for anything. Padrone doesn’t want to be bothered with little details so he leaves all of those decisions to me. When I buy clothes, especially online, I will get his approval before I buy something to ensure that he likes whatever I’ve picked.

If you have followed my other blog, you will see that we have both been on a journey to get healthier this year. Padrone was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in March so is on a strict diet that makes it difficult for him to figure out what and how to eat to stay within those parameters. After many trial and errors, I researched, found, and ordered a meal plan for him that satisfied his nutritional needs while actually tasting good and giving him a variety he needed. While many people may see that as a vanilla task or even as a slave overstepping her bounds, we do not. You see, in books, the sub or slave is always at the beck and call of the Master, regardless of the situation. In fantasyland, the slave never has to think for herself and the Master always knows exactly what to do and when to do it.

But in reality, Dominants often need help and to be taken care of too. Even if your dynamic isn’t based on affection and is based on fulfilling a fantasy, these same principles will most likely apply in some form or fashion. A submissive’s or slave’s number one priority is always to see to the comfort of their Master/Dominant. We want to make their life easier in any way that we can. So, unlike movies and books, we have to think for ourselves as we follow the clearly defined rules of our dynamic. In taking control over our individual diets, I made life easier for Padrone so he doesn’t have to worry if a meal fits into his diet or not. I’ve already done all the research and all he has to do is tell me what it is he wants to eat. That is not Topping from the Bottom. It’s making sure my Padrone stays healthy.

Another theme you normally see running through BDSM related books and movies is that of the Dominant never taking care of the sub, unless it’s after a scene. I can assure you that is not the case in a real life relationship. Padrone takes care of me just as much as I do him. Many people would look at the surface of our relationship and see a vanilla couple that has been together for a long time since many of our daily activities are vanilla based. But what you don’t see is the reality.

For our dynamic, I clean the house, wash clothes, take out the garbage, take care of the dogs, make sure meds are taken or refilled, and many other tiny, everyday things that get overlooked because they are routine. While Padrone mainly works so he can support us financially, he also edits all of my posts and maintains this blog. I work behind the scenes to support him.

There are so many other examples I could give you from our everyday life that will give you glimpses of how our Dynamic works, I will leave it here for now. My goal for this post is simple. Don’t base your dream of a relationship on what you read in a book or watched in a movie because that relationship will fail since it wasn’t based on any type of reality. Find your own version of BDSM that works with the reality of your life. The completeness, support, love, and connection I have with Padrone makes that journey worth it.

Ever Changing BDSM Dynamics

I’m sitting here trying to think about how to word what’s on my mind. Sometimes it’s harder to write down what you’re thinking versus just outright saying it. Hopefully it won’t be a rambling mess.

I haven’t written many blog posts this year related to the BDSM Lifestyle because I’ve been so concentrated on other outside things. I decided in January to try to get my out of control health problems in hand, by making a radical diet change as well as adding daily exercise to my life. In the beginning, it took every part of my mind, body, and soul to stay with the new course I set for myself. I was very lucky that Padrone was very supportive of my decisions, even though he didn’t join me at that time.

As the weeks went on, I was losing weight but also feeling much stronger, more energetic, and overall better. At the beginning of March, Padrone was rushed to the Emergency Room with multiple health issues. He ended up staying there for 8 days and was off work for another 2 weeks for recovery. He was forced to stop smoking cold turkey after 45 or more years of constantly lighting up. He had to start adding in exercise as well as change his own diet. Luckily for me, I had been doing this already for several weeks prior, so I was able to help him in making the right food choices and encouraging him to exercise.

Now, here we are 2 months later and both of us have been focused on improving our health and getting stronger. We are in a very unique but also extremely supportive situation, since we both had to change our lifestyle to being more active and choosing better food. We are able to sympathize with the other when one of us is craving something we can’t have now.

This leads me to our BDSM dynamic. I’ve received many messages over the years asking for advice because it seems like their dynamic fizzled out or went quasi-vanilla. What people don’t understand is that just like a normal vanilla relationship, BDSM relationships evolve and change along the way also, because people are always changing.

In our case, while we’ve always maintained our dynamic to a certain degree, in the past year, it had not been as intense as it had been in years past. Outside influences, such as work, mental and physical health, and basic everyday obligations, contributed to that. We actually didn’t even really notice the changes, because we were both not feeling as well as we should have been because of health issues.

Now that we’ve both lost weight, changed our eating habits, and become more active, I’ve noticed a change back to a more intense M/s dynamic, similar to what it was in the beginning of our relationship. Obviously, after 7 years together, we know almost everything about the other one. I don’t think either of us has anything new left to discover. So, even though the shiny new feeling has worn to a comfortable place now, that intense attraction to the other, mentally/physically/emotionally, has never gone away.

As we age, our bodies and minds prioritize things differently. We crave touch still, but it doesn’t consume our every waking thought like it may have 20 years ago. We focus more on the mental and emotional well being as well as the health of our partner. With time, we have been blessed with the fact that we’ve grown even closer together instead of more apart, like you see happen with many couples these days.

Now you see why I haven’t written a BDSM related blog post in a while. We’ve just had our concentration turned inwards towards improving ourselves. Now, that we are both on the right track, I am hoping to be more active in the online communities as well as blogging more.

So, if there are any topics that you can’t find in my blog history and want me to write about, please send me your suggestions!

BDSM Relationships: When a Submissive takes Charge

For those in the vanilla world, they think BDSM is all about sex, bondage, and multiple partners. When they hear the word dominant, they only think that it is a very domineering person who is in charge of everything and who’s word is law. They think the dominant can do absolutely anything they want to, regardless of a submissive‘s desires, needs, or even objections. Those of us that actually live some type of version of a BDSM lifestyle know that the above statements are false.

A real Dominant, not a wannabe dominant or a bully, is one that actually nurtures, protects, and guides his submissive in the ways that were negotiated in their contract at the beginning of the relationship. If there is no contract, then there is usually a strong verbal agreement in place that governs the path the relationship takes. Not every relationship is the same. Everyone practices BDSM in their own creative way. We like to say there is no right or wrong as long as everything is consensual. I completely agree with that.

We all know that a Dominant is the one who guides and a submissive is the one who follows. That is just the basic concept of roles in these types of relationships or dynamics. But, what happens when the submissive becomes the one that needs to guide the Dominant for some reason? How does the Dominant still retain dominance in the relationship while following the guidelines or advice from their submissive? It’s simple. Respect is the key.

Now, you’re asking yourself when would there be a time that a Dominant would follow a submissive in a BDSM dynamic, but still remain the dominant person in the relationship? There are many scenarios I can think of that this could happen, but the one I’m referring to is in a medical situation. I’ll use my situation with my master, known as Padrone, to share my feelings on this matter.

First I have to give you a little background on myself. Since January 10, 2018, I have been on a journey to get myself healthier by eating better and exercising. It is been 10 weeks and I have lost 7 kg which is about 14 pounds. I have done a lot of research on nutrition, exercise, and what not to do in order to lose weight at a healthy pace and keep it off while making my body more fit and stronger. I am not an expert by any means, but I have done a lot of research that has allowed me to gain knowledge that Padrone does not have.

Padrone actually ended up in the hospital for eight days because of a medical condition, and he had to change his entire lifestyle to no smoking, eating a completely different way, and adding exercise every day to his routine. While he is dealing with all of these new challenges, he’s also having to take a bunch of new medication at certain times of the day. I am helping him manage all of this so he can concentrate on himself.

The way I’m helping him manage all of this is by giving him his medications when he needs them, weighing all of his food and serving it to him at the appropriate times, and also encouraging him while sometimes nagging him to exercise. Given that he is my Master, you might think it would be very awkward to tell him what, how much, and when he can eat. A person would think that in a dynamic such as ours, that my providing food for Padrone would be in direct violation of a Master/slave relationship. But in our case it isn’t.

You see, Padrone still retains his role as Master and head of our household. I am still very much his submissive/slave as always. But in the case of exercise and food, he is allowing me to serve him by putting me in charge of these types of things so he doesn’t have to worry about it. He’s already dealing with the fallout of not smoking after smoking for 45 years, his body getting used to all these new medications, and having to actually do exercise every single day, which he still does not like at all but does because he knows he has to.

Some people might see him as relinquishing control of our relationship but that is not the case at all either. His relinquishing control of the medication and food distribution allows me to actually serve him even more because I’m able to help him get healthier and be right there with him every step of the way on his journey to get fit. So what some may see as a role reversal or equalization of the relationship, is actually just the continued bond of our dynamic working.

If you ever get into a situation as a submissive or slave, in which your Dominant needs you to step up and take control of certain aspects of your life or his life, don’t hesitate to do it. Mentally and physically, your Dominant probably needs the help and will appreciate your effort because it will make their life and situation much easier to deal with from whatever they’re going through. You are in fact supporting them and serving them by taking control of some aspects that you did not have control over before. Just always make sure you show them the respect you always have, you never use a tone of voice that you would not normally use with them, and you always give them the final decision. Sometimes, like in my case, you might have to nag a little bit to get them to exercise because they really do not want to. Just make sure you give them all the right reasons to do what you’re asking so they know it’s their choice, you’re just helping them implement that choice.

Sometimes people may think they aren’t strong enough to actually be able to do something like that. They don’t know if their relationship or dynamic could handle them stepping up or a Dominant giving up a little bit of their control so that it makes their life a little easier because their submissive or slave is willing to help them make some choices that are difficult for themselves to make. I can say from experience, that one never knows what one can endure or will do for those that they love the most.

So, when a submissive takes charge of certain aspects of a Dominant’s life, or situation, the submissive is actually serving the Dominant. In no way does it mean that the submissive is trying to top from the bottom or take over the relationship. It just means that the submissive cares enough for their Dominant to try to do everything they can to help the Dominant’s life be easier.

A BDSM Slave’s Valentine’s Day Thoughts

With Valentine’s Day coming tomorrow, many of you will be trying to figure out the exact type of gift to buy your partner. You may go the ‘flowers and candy’ route, ‘stuffed animal’ route, ‘dinner and a movie’ route, or just come up with something special that expresses how much they mean to you. These things are wonderful to celebrate that special day, but what do you do for the rest of the year? How can you express your love and appreciation for your Dominant/submissive without buying things?

The best way to show your partner how you feel is through everyday acts of kindness and love. As a BDSM consensual slave, I show Padrone how I feel every day in the small things I do for him personally and around the house, but also in how I take care of my own health (mentally, emotionally, and physically). I admit that I have neglected taking care of my physical health most of my life. I never liked exercising, always ate whatever I wanted and didn’t worry about how my nutritional choices affected how my body worked, or didn’t work in many cases.

Since I’ve been with Padrone, my mental and emotional health have healed and blossomed under his care. I’ve found myself and have been able to pursue my passion of writing and helping people in a small way as I never thought I could before. Coming from an extremely hostile and toxic relationship, it took a while before I could honestly say that I had recovered from being in that environment, but I did and have been well loved, supported, encouraged, and protected since then. I like to think that I also helped Padrone become the life-loving, happy person he is now, compared to the serious one he was when I first met him.

Now that my mental and emotional health have recovered, I have to start taking more care of my physical health. Now, just to clarify, I’m not talking about looks or weight, I’m referring to how my body functions. I have dealt with epilepsy my entire life and that is a condition in which there are no medications that will help. I have had my gallbladder removed, and had a complete hysterectomy due to cancer, all before I was 33 years old. You would think that having to deal with all of these various conditions, as well as many others, that I would have had the urge to take care of my body better because it is the only one I will ever have. Well, being in the relationship I was in, combined with my state of mind at the time, it was never a priority.

The last few months of 2017 were rough on my body. I have suffered with blood sugar problems off and on after the birth of my second child in 2004. It had never been a huge problem, but became worse the older I got and just blew up in November of last year. On top of this, I developed a strange eye problem and eczema on my face in December. I left it, thinking it would rectify itself on its own. January came and still, my problems persisted. That’s when I took action. I started my daily exercise routine and made little changes to my diet. Gradually, my sugar levels have become steady and spot-on. My skin has cleared up and my eye problem has gotten much better. I think I need to change my glasses prescription, but everything else has much improved.

Five weeks later, I’m down in size and weight, plus I’m feeling much better overall. These changes have also had a direct impact on my submission to Padrone. In the beginning, I admit that I was distracted and obsessed in my journey to a healthier body, but as the days and weeks have passed, that obsession has transitioned into a complete lifestyle change and commitment. In regards to my submission, I’ve found that I have more energy and creativity to do things around the house and for Padrone as well.

Overall, by trying to get and stay healthier, I’ve given a long lasting present to Padrone and myself. The more time that goes by, the more my health improves. This will give Padrone less to worry about and ease some of the anxiety he has felt about all the little weird health issues that kept popping up over the last few months. Now, exercise and eating better are not a cure all. It is not a substitute for doctors. But, it is something that everyone can do to improve themselves overall and it does help with many different types of health problems.

So, after your candy binge is over, why not try to implement an exercise routine that both of you can do? It may be as simple as taking a 20 minutes walk around the block. Whatever you decide to do, try to do it with your partner because the support and encouragement you give each other will go a long way to motivating you to stick with the program you come up with.

Happy Valentine’s Day and remember, the best gift to yourself and your partner, will always be a well balanced and happy Dominant/submissive in mind, body and soul.

Master Knows me Better Than I Know Myself

Now that the Christmas season is over, I’ve noticed that traffic is picking back up in Lifestyle related groups, as well as on my own sites. There’s been a mix of old and new people coming together to discuss BDSM subjects. One recurring theme I have seen pop up a couple of times over the past few weeks is the phrase “My Dominant/Master knows me better than I know myself”. This made me stop and think. I have seen this phrase used by mainly newer subs that are in online only relationships. That’s why this phrase stood out and bugged me so much.

Could this be true? I know my Padrone knows my moods, likes, wants, needs, and even health related problems inside out, because we’ve been together for 6 1/2 years now. But, I can’t honestly say that he knows me better than I know myself. Even as close as we are in thoughts, morals, and personal likes and interests, there is still no way he can know me better than I know me. The reason is simple. He is not a mind reader. While he comes extremely close most of the time, it’s because we’ve been together for so long and communicate well. When we have disagreements and I get emotional, there’s no way he could have any idea about what is going through my head.

You are probably wondering why such a simple phrase could get me so aggravated. Here’s why. I’ve read many posts where a new submissive will say that she’s in a relationship with her Dominant and they have no limits. The Dominant will end up taking over large portions of the sub’s life and giving her rules and boundaries that do not take into account her own personal needs or preferences. These Dominants usually end up leaving the sub before 6 months and the sub is left feeling broken. The submissives end up blaming themselves for everything that went wrong because they really thought that the Dominant knew them better than themselves and they gave up who they were to please that person.

In a relationship, there will always be learning curves and compromises. Especially in a BDSM dynamic, a Limits list is the minimum a new couple should fill in. I really encourage you to fill in a contract as well. Why? Because this will ensure that everybody in the relationship is on the same page. Contracts can and should be reviewed and revised as the relationship progresses. Things change in time.

A bottom, no matter what title they go by, should always maintain a sense of self, even when in the depths of consensual slavery. Why? Because we are human beings first. We are all individuals. No two people are exactly alike in their thinking or preferences. That’s impossible. Even identical twins have different personalities.

What I’m saying is that even if your Dominant/Master is very good in predicting/understanding your moods/needs, it doesn’t mean that they know exactly what is in your heart and soul. They will never be able to know you better than you do, especially if you pay attention to your body and mind.

Protect yourself and make sure you take care of your own self first because in doing so, you can take better care of your Dominant/Master.

Thoughts? Please leave us a comment below!