Submissive-Slave BDSM Resumes

I have recently received many questions from new and unattached submissives asking for my thoughts on Submissive/Slave resumes.

I honestly haven't thought much about them because I have never used, or had use for, one myself. I do think they could be used as a handy tool for both the submissive and any potential Dominants they might come across.

So, what would a new submissive put on a resume? I know you might be thinking that since you have never been in a BDSM relationship, nor had any formal training, you really have nothing of value that would make sense to put on this type of document. That is where you are wrong. You have Life experience. You have your abilities, hobbies, and hard limits. Take this opportunity to really set yourself apart from other potential applicants. Use the document to give potential Dominants a real sense of who you are as a person, not just your abilities.

Here is a list of different sections that should be included on a submissive resume. (Note: I have written this for new submissives that have not had any training and have never been in any BDSM relationships. If you are an experienced submissive, you should add a Training section to the below resume. List any and all training you have had. List any rules and punishments you were subjected to. You also might want to add a list of all past BDSM relationships you were in.)

• Objective - What is your long term goal? What type of relationship are you looking for? (Training, part time sub, play partner, 24/7 situation)

• Summary - This is where you can tell a little about yourself. When you became aware of your submissive side. Any relationships you are currently in. How you came to find out about the Lifestyle. How long you have known about and been interested in exploring your submissive side. What type of training you have read about and want to try. 

• Qualifications - If you are new, this is where you need to be creative. List all of your life accomplishments that you think would be beneficial to a potential Dominant. You can include things such as your domestic abilities (cooking, cleaning, sewing, etc), organizational abilities (party planner, etc), if you are able to drive, or any abilities to do domestic maintenance or repairs. But remember, BE HONEST! Do not put that you can cook a 5 course French meal if you burn water. 

• Education - List any and all educational classes or vocational training you have had. (College, CPR, Diving Instructor, etc)

• Hobbies - What do you like to do in your spare time? What activities keep you occupied when you are not working? What interests do you have? Again, be creative but be honest. Do not put you love nature hikes if you hate nature. 

• Reading - List different genres of books you like to read or types of web sites you like to browse. Examples would be erotica, BDSM educational, Dog training, flowers magazines, etc...

• Hard Limits - This might be a hard section for you to fill in if you are new and have never looked into a Limits worksheet. I would list at least three hard limits, even if you don't know what all of your's are. Some items on your list may be Polyamoury (No sharing with other people), No edge play (using knives, breath play, needles), or waterworks/scat play (People that enjoy pee and fecal play)

• Health - List any and all health problems that you may have. You can also list any healthy activities that you do here, such as running, working out, etc. 

• Organizational Associations - List any organizations that you are a member of (BDSM or non BDSM related). Make sure to put any time constraints these organizations may put on you (meetings, etc)

I really encourage each of you to try this, even if you don't use it. You should always keep it updated, just in case you do decide to utilize it. I think it is another great tool that you can use in your journey to submission.

Submissive Separation Anxiety - When A Sub Experiences Extreme Anxiety When their Dom is Away

You feel anxious, depressed, and have uncontrollable crying spells. You feel lost, without direction and can't concentrate.

All you want to do is to stay in bed all day and not move. You think to yourself that you don't know why exactly you feel this way. You wonder to yourself if it's normal, if you are normal. You feel alone. The only thing you can think of through all of the misery you are feeling is your Dominant. What is causing this pain and confusion? Separation from your Dominant.

He/She may have just left for work, or you might be in a long distance relationship (LDR). Whatever the situation, for some reason you can't understand, you are feeling a lot of the bad feeling described above. Let me tell you that you are not alone. You are not weird or crazy. After speaking with many submissives and slaves that have described various situations, I am calling this Submissive Separation Anxiety.

Separation anxiety is most commonly recognized as a juvenile disorder in which children experience signs of anxiety when separated from their primary caregiver. In more recent times however, adults have become increasingly diagnosed with adult separation anxiety. Adult separation anxiety is much the same as the disorder as that faced by children.

However, the primary caregiver can be any major attachment figure in the adults life. Most often these attachment figures include spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, siblings and or friends. Some have described such feelings as almost like an addiction but to a person. An adult with separation anxiety disorder may feel extreme fear and distress when their romantic partner is out of sight.

Being the loved one of someone with Submissive Separation Anxiety can be just as exhausting as being the individual with the disorder. There is a constant demand on your attentions that cannot be calmed or satisfied and often times it will feel as though there is no escape. Even the shortest respite from the clinginess of a loved one with SSD will be interrupted by vies for your attention through text messages and phone calls. Unfortunately living with and loving someone with submissive separation anxiety can be so taxing that relationships soon begin to break down. Each person must be completely committed to the relationship in order for the relationship to survive.

What steps can you take to help improve the situation? First, always know your Dominant's schedule. If it changes frequently, ask your Dom to text you and let you know. Next, if you do not work outside the home, wear one of your Dom's shirts in order to feel closer to him. If you work outside the home, try wearing a piece of jewelry that belong's to him. The weight will help you refocus your mind when panic or depression sets in. Communicate with him off and on throughout the day at designated times. Keep a picture of him on your cell phone or computer so you can see him anytime he isn't there.

These are but a few ways to help combat the feelings. I know there are probably more, but I'm not an expert in this. And here is the trap of Submissive Separation Anxiety. The more you try to make the person like/love you, the more you push them away and the reason for this is simple: to this other person, there is no issue. You are fighting a war in your head that doesn't really exist. It's as simple as that, but it's a damn hard lesson to learn. The reason he doesn't care when you're not around every minute of every day is because it doesn't matter to him, not because he doesn't like you or love you or want to spend time with you, but because he does not share your fear that significant people might not return once they leave.

From his perspective, since he knows you will always come back, he is fine. Why shouldn't he be fine? He is secure in your relationship. He has no reason to believe your departure would or could mean anything other than you have something in your schedule, so he finds something to do on his own and is just as happy. When you return home it's as if nothing has even happened, because nothing has happened, separations and reunions are a natural, normal part of life.

People with Submissive Separation Anxiety have a reason to feel the way that they do. They have a reason to fear abandonment. Many adults with this disorder were once neglected, abused and abandoned kids. They were hurt or not protected by the people they trusted. The important thing to remember is that other people have not had the same experiences and thus do not feel the same way.  Adults who have had healthy relationships (particularly in childhood with their parents) are not afraid of being left alone. Their fundamental beliefs about the world are different from those of people with separation anxiety. Accepting and understanding this is the first step at overcoming the disorder.