2014 BDSM New Year's Resolutions

I imagine that many of you have made New Year's resolutions about time, family and losing weight. But, what about your BDSM life? Are you where you want to be? Do you want to grow more? Do you have a partner already or are you looking for one? How much have you learned over this past year?

Here is a list of things I think should be worked on continuously, throughout the year. If you are new or just starting out, it would be a great idea to review them yourself and with your partner so you can use them as a guide and add your own items and ideas that fit your lifestyle.

1. Renew your commitment to keeping up your knowledge and skills in your chosen practice of BDSM.
2. Renew your commitment to your Dominant or submissive.
3. Meditate daily to help keep yourself focused.
4. Renew your commitment to keep an open mind.
5. Find new paths to explore.

 

1. Make a list of books and websites that continuously update their information with fresh articles.
2. Look at the existing rules to see if any additions or changes need to be made.
3. Reevaluate your relationship with your Dom/sub to ensure that both of you are getting what you need and expected out of the relationship.
4. Take the values, rules, and lifestyle of BDSM and shape them to your own needs/likes/wants.
5. Remember there is no fast and steady rule of right and wrong as long as everyone is happy in the relationship. If you believe there is, then you really need to re-evaluate your decision to practice BDSM.

My Padrone and I both wish all of you health, peace, happiness and love for this year and remember my email is always open if you ever have a question or comment.

Best Wishes and Happy New Year!

Marco and Michelle Fegatofi

Submission and Internal Conflicts

What do we do when we know we are submissive, yet we sometimes feel rebellious inside? From one side, you think to yourself that this feeling isn't normal. As a submissive, you should feel happy to serve and perform any task or command your Dominant gives you. Right? Wrong.

First, you have to realize that even if you identify yourself as a slave, you are still a human being first. You still have the feelings, morals, likes and dislikes you had before you agreed to submit to someone. Just because you agreed to submit does not mean you became a mindless puppet of that Dominant. Most Dominants want a person with a mind of their own that chooses to submit to them of their own free will. They don't want a doormat. When you choose to submit, hopefully you did so with the knowledge of what would be expected of you. If you are brand new, your potential Dominant should set down with you and explain what he is looking for and made sure that both of your outlooks, wants and needs would be met if you decided to pursue a BDSM relationship.

Second, it's completely normal to feel reluctant sometimes to perform tasks you know are required of you. One day you might wake up in a bad mood and are grumpy all day. The key to those kind of days is to focus on how happy it makes you feel to make your Dominant proud and to see his smile. There will be things you dread doing, like certain types of house work or running daily errands. But, as a submissive/slave, it's your duty to make sure those things are done. Now realize, I'm talking about performing routine tasks while you are in good health. Not performing or completing tasks when you are not well, is something different. Your Dominant should be lenient and understanding if you are too sick or have some real reason for not performing as you normally do. But remember, don't claim sickness just because you want to be lazy. That would be very deceitful and Dominants don't want lazy slaves.

What do you do if there is a task that you regularly perform and do not like or have good reasons to be uncomfortable with? Ask your dominant for time to sit down with him and to speak freely. Make sure you have good reasons and have formulated a credible argument for changing or not continuing that task. You must remain respectful and don't get defensive or whiney while speaking to him. If you come across as whiney or just being a brat, your Dominant most likely will not make any changes.

If you work outside the home and have trouble switching back to a submissive mentality when you get back home, there are steps you can try to help make that transition. If you drive or travel alone, tame that time to recite a mantra, play relaxing music or develop a routine to help make the transition from working woman to submissive. Another way is to take 15 minutes out for yourself as soon as you get home. Don't greet or speak with anyone. Go directly to your room, change clothes, put on your collar, and meditate. This will help you relax from a hard day's work while putting you in a submissive mood.

Now it's time to move in a different direction. What does it mean if you constantly feel unrest and reluctance to perform even the most basic of your normal submissive tasks? The first thing you should ask yourself is if you really have the desire and need to be a submissive. The second question to ask yourself is if you trust your dominant and want to continue to submit to him? If you answer yes to both of these questions, then you have to do some very deep soul searching and ask what is making you reluctant to submit to him? What's changed?

If you answered No to either question, you should talk to your dominant about scaling back the D/s part of your relationship until you, or both of you, can figure out if a D/s relationship is right for you and if it's wise to continue down that path.

So remember, feeling rebellious or reluctant sometimes, while in a submissive mood, is normal. But if you feel that way often, I urge you to reevaluate your situation and submission.

If you have any thoughts, comments, or ideas that you think might help others, please leave them below!